Turning a Nice Guy Down Was One of the Hardest Things I've Ever Done
I've been denied by a crush plenty of times in my life—more times than I'd like to admit, actually. But, I've only denied someone myself once.
You'd think it'd be easier to let someone else down, as opposed to being let down, but trust me, it's not.
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It's awkward, embarrassing, scary and leaves you feeling emotionally drained. Read my story below to see how I decided it was time to cut ties with someone I cared for, and what I learned from the experience.
A Crush Develops
Initially, I was super into *Adam. He was cute, charming and everything I was looking for in a school fling. He would text me back promptly, always asked about my day and made the first move without me having to drop subtle hints that I wanted him to ask me out. Everything was going exactly as I wanted it to go.
Our first few dates were nothing short of perfect. He took me to the movies, spoiled me with popcorn and dark chocolate covered Raisinets and brought me over to his house to hang with his friends and join him at family dinners.
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I was happy to be in Adam's presence, and I loved how comfortable I felt around him, but I knew from the get-go there was chemistry lacking. I didn't have the heart to express this to him when we'd only been dating for such a short period of time, so I let the feeling go and continued to see him.
After a month of going on dates, I started finding trivial, silly things that bothered me about this guy. Things like he texted me too much, he was constantly saying, "You're so gorg, wow!" and he went out of his way to walk me to and from class.
In theory, there was absolutely nothing wrong with any of these actions. In fact, they're exactly the kind of things you want someone you're interested in to do.
So what was my deal? I spent many hours going back and forth with my friend *Jenna discussing the pros and cons of dating this guy, and all we could come up with were three scanty bullets for each list.
- He's super nice and thoughtful.
- He's adorable.
- I know for sure he likes me.
- He over compliments me. (Yes, that's a thing)
- He seeks my attention at all times.
- He's way more into me than I am into him.
After looking at the list, I was still stumped. How was I supposed to decide what to do with this relationship when the pros and cons seemed equally weighted?
I would never ever want to hurt such a nice guy, but I feared if I continued things any longer, I might end up ruining any chance I had at a friendship with him.
Jenna and I crumpled up the two lists and signed onto Facebook to see if he was online. She convinced me that I had to start a conversation with him right then and there to get the ball rolling on this "dumping" thing. Ugh.
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The Let Down
I began the FB conversation with him like any other, "Hey, Adam! How's your day?"
He responded with his routine, "Good! Wanna hang out tonight?"
And then I laid down those seriously cliché four words: "We need to talk."
When he asked what was up I tried to be as vague as possible, by just letting him know I wanted to talk to him about a couple of things.
I remember him telling me I was being "totally confusing" and man, I had to admit, I totally agreed with him. I was sending all sorts of mixed messages.
When he finally arrived at my house later that evening, we plopped down on the couch in my living room, and began the awkward and dreaded talk that would define our relationship.
"Adam," I told him, "I really like you. You're a nice, sweet and genuine guy, and let me stress that you've done nothing wrong…"
His face dropped. He knew what was about to happen.
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I told him that I was confused because he was the definition of the perfect boy, but for me the chemistry was missing.
At first, he tried to convince me that I needed to give the relationship a chance. He said he knew that if we just spent a little more quality time together, I would see what he saw. At the end of his spiel, he leaned in for a peck on the lips, which I was totally unprepared for.
Before I could really process what he was trying to do, I hastily turned my cheek, and just like that, he was totally rejected. He looked so disappointed, and I knew that I was the one who had caused him to feel this way.
As he walked down my driveway for the last time, I felt a little bit of guilt, but also a whole lot of confidence. I knew I made the right decision.
Walking Away With a Good Lesson
At the end of the day, what's worst than telling someone you don't reciprocate the same feelings, is not telling someone.
I've had a guy do it to me. He stringed me along, hoping I'd maybe catch on that he was not as interested in me as I had hoped, and I wound up getting more hurt than I would have if he would've told me the straight up truth.
So, maybe I hurt Adam, and maybe it sucked having to tell him to his face that I didn't like him. But, I can't imagine my feelings would have changed over time, and I can't imagine it would have hurt him any less if I would have waited weeks or even months before I was honest with him.
Turning down someone will never get easier and it will never be something I look forward to doing. But, it happens.
From this experience I've learned that as with any situation in life, it's important to always speak your truth. No matter how hard it may be, trust your gut, follow your heart and it will all work out in the end. Promise.
*Names have been changed.
So now you know it's sometimes best to let someone you care for go if you're not that interested, but what do you do and how do you survive when they're the one saying adios to you?! Check out THESE tips for how to deal when your crush doesn't like you back.