Two Experts Reveal the Shocking Reasons Why We're Attracted to Bad Boys
"Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do?"
When you hear the term "bad boy," someone comes to mind, right? We've all been there and we've all dealt with one at some point or another. And let me tell you—it doesn't get any easier with age. You'd think bad boys would learn from their mistakes and make a change, but guess what—they don't. And that's what ultimately makes them a bad boy. Even if you know someone isn't good for you, why is it that you're still drawn to them?
I spoke with Dr. Terri Orbuch, aka The Love Doctor, and Dr. Carissa Coulston, relationship expert at The Eternity Rose, and they revealed the shocking reasons why we're attracted to bad boys. Find out what they had to say below.
What Is a Bad Boy?
The first time I realized I was crushing on a bad boy, it was too late in the game. I'd already invested so much of my time on them, that I didn't want to put it all to waste. I was naïve enough at the time to think I had the power to change them, but unfortunately, things don't always work out so easily. I found out the hard way that bad boys are just that—bad. After a lot of self-pity and self-reflection, I was finally able to realize my worth and not waste too much time on boys who aren't good news.
This is what Dr. Orbuch had to say about the definition of a bad boy:
"We typically think of bad boys as boys who are very into themselves, are self-centered, date several girls at once or right after one another, play the field, aren't very respectful of others, and aren't empathetic."
Dr. Coulston weighed in, too:
"Usually, a classic bad boy will be more adventurous, less predictable and more impulsive than their nice boy counterparts. They're all about having fun, and care less about obeying the rules, and more about enjoying themselves. They also tend to be confident and sure of themselves without being nervous, anxious or worried about how they appear to others."
Why Are We Drawn to Bad Boys?
All of the bad boys I remember crushing on were no good for me, and I knew it. That didn't stop me from being attracted to them, though. It's honestly a vicious cycle, and one that took me years to get out of. At the time, I was constantly seeking their validation, even though they treated me horribly. For some reason, I felt the need to prove to them that I was worthy, when in reality, it should have been them begging for my attention and forgiveness.
This is what Dr. Orbuch had to say:
"Girls are attracted to bad boys because they appear exciting and adventurous. Boys who are similar to them—empathic, friendly, respectful, nice—seem boring. But, it's a myth that opposites attract. In fact, studies show that similarity between two people is what keeps people together and happy in a relationship over time."
Dr. Coulston added in her two cents, as well:
"Bad boys have dynamic and charming personalities. Also, their assertiveness and confidence makes them appealing."
Since they're so alluring, a lot of us don't notice when they take control of the relationship, and therefore, of us. They do what they want, when they want, which makes us even more attracted to them in the end.
How Do You Know If the Person You're Crushing on Is a 'Bad Boy?'
Bad boys are predictable to a fault and not too hard to spot. If you think you might be crushing on one of them, think back to his past. Has he ever flirted with other girls in front of you? Does he only talk about himself? Has he forgotten to wish you happy birthday?
Dr. Coulston says to look out for this:
"If he's just a little too confident and self-assured, that's a sign that he's probably not a nice guy. If he takes assertiveness too far into the realms of being too impulsive, too edgy or too inconsiderate of your feelings, then he's almost certainly going to be a bad boy."
Need some more advice? Look HERE for the signs that your crush isn't boyfriend material.