What to Do When You're on the Verge of a BFF Breakup????
Breaking up is hard to do.????
And while a split with a S.O. is heartbreaking, a BFF breakup can affect much more in your life.
Your BFF is the one you tell everything to. You share pretty much all the same friends, you have an almanac-sized collection of songs and inside jokes and they always know how to make you laugh.
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But as life happens, friendships can be put to the test. Not every end to a BFFship is caused by something super major. Sometimes it's distance, other times it's new friends or a new romantic relationship. Occasionally it's the butting of heads, and in some instances, just one huge fight or a total breaking of trust can lead to the demise of something seemingly so strong.
Whatever the reason, you know when you and your BFF are on the verge of parting ways, and it eats at your soul. Unlike with a romantic relationship, you don't just rebound besties, nor can you even fathom the idea of anyone else filling the shoes of your No. 1. partner-in-crime.
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That said, there's a lot to consider when you're in this dark state. Keep reading to figure out how to proceed when you're on the brink of breaking up with your bestie.
1. Give the Relationship Space (Even If Just for a Few Days)
Most BFFs hang out, or at least talk or text, multiple times a week. When things are their rockiest, continuing to be in contact will only keep emotions running high and negative associations feeling fresh. Sometimes this means sacrificing mutual friends' bdays or other social events you really want to attend, but if you totally take a step back, both of you will have a chance to cool down a bit and (hopefully) miss each other. As the cliche goes: "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." (Hey, it's true!)
2. Take a Solid Amount of Time to Consider If the Friendship Is Even Worth Salvaging
Like any relationship, sometimes we hold on to people solely based on history, comfort or codependency–but the real question is does the person make you a better individual? Sure, people have their share of ups and downs, arguments and name-calling, but if these are seemingly endless between you two, wouldn't you like to save yourself from the pain? Do you feel like this is someone you can trust–not only with personal info, but also with your feelings? There's nothing happy or healthy about a toxic relationship–not for you, and certainly not for the people around you. Go through the pros and cons of this friendship. Think about how you feel at your best with this person, compared to how you feel at your worst with them. Does the good outweigh the bad?
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3. Don't Feel Obligated to Offer Up an Apology
Saying "I'm sorry" just for the sake of putting the past behind you isn't just going to make your problems go away. If you don't wholeheartedly believe you are in the wrong, don't pretend. It's okay to say something like, "I'm sorry that we had this fight," or "I'm sorry you're upset," but no need to say you're downright "sorry" unless, of course, you really are. Just as you don't need to say sorry, there's also nothing wrong with putting your pride aside and genuinely apologizing when you feel like you were in the wrong.
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4. Don't Expect Them to Apologize
Whether you believe they're in the wrong or not, forcing an apology out of someone will not only make things even more uncomfortable between the two of you, but will also keep things from being genuine. Even if neither of you feel like you were solely at fault, you can still maintain the friendship. You just need to talk amongst yourselves and openly discuss why each of you are upset.
5. Do NOT Bring Mutual Friends Into the Situation
I cannot stress this enough. As upset as we are and as good as it feels (at the time) to gossip with a mutual pal and get everything off your chest, trust me, it will backfire. Sure, we think our mutual will be best because they know your BFF as well, so they'll prob understand how you are feeling or even provide insight on where you two stand–but remember: It's just as easy for someone to listen to you as it is for them to share your thoughts with either your bestie or someone else from your friend group. Play it safe and save your BFF issues for an S.O., parent, sibling or a friend who is not in the slightest close to your bestie. The last thing you need is your BFF having one more reason to be annoyed with you or your friend group taking sides.
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6. Don't Be Afraid to Initiate a Talk With Them When the Time Feels Right
Going back to No. 1, do not rush into seeing or talking to your BFF. The time apart to reflect is very important–but–once you've collected your thoughts (for better or worse) and feel like the time is right, you should feel comfortable shooting your pal a heartfelt text or an email (it's okay if you don't feel ready to call) and suggest either meeting in person or hopping on the phone. Regardless of how the friendship results, this person is or was who you considered your BFF, so you should have enough respect to owe each other a convo of either closure or resolution. If they still don't feel ready to chat, respect their wishes and assure them that you are here when they are ready, and you'd like to have a mature, civilized discussion.
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7. Come to Terms With the Fact That the Friendship May Really Be Over
Regardless of how we feel, we can't force a person into wanting to continue a relationship with us. And sometimes, even if we both want to, it isn't always the right path to take. It's okay to grow apart. It's okay to realize things may be irreparable. If the friend is someone you still care about, it will be incredibly painful to lose them. It's okay to feel sad, cry, vent (to the right people)–do whatever you've got to do to process the situation. But remember (again, another cliche): When one door closes, another one opens. It's the truth! Not allowing this person to take up all of your time and energy gives you the opportunity to make space for new people, extra-curricular activities, school, fitness and so much more. Think of this as a gift! At your saddest moments missing your BFF, remind yourself of that low feeling you experienced when you two weren't getting along. Start focusing on what does make you happy. Also, not everything has to be black and white. Just because you aren't inseparable besties anymore doesn't mean you can't laugh the night away at the next campfire you both attend. It doesn't mean you can't hang in groups or still text occasionally when you hear one of your songs. You just may feel like limiting your time together is healthiest. And that's okay! Also, who knows? After some much-needed growing, you guys could end up back together, but under much maturer, healthier circumstances.
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8. If You Respect the Person, Don't Ghost Them–But If They've Broken Your Trust for Good, It's Okay to Make a Clean Break
Going back to No. 6, if you've considered this person a "best friend," then typically you should have the respect and decency to "break up" with them in the most honorable manner (if that's the road you ultimately plan to take). That said, if the thought of this person truly makes you ill or they've done something to sabotage a relationship, job or school matter of yours, you can't be expected to have a civilized conversation with them or give them the respect they have not given you. Avoid doing anything spiteful or vengeful (because that's just immature and ultimately won't get you anywhere), but silence is golden, and if this person disgusts you, cut off communication–no explanation necessary. You'll realize that that is the best revenge.
Let's be honest, this post is sad. So let's talk about something uplifting, shall we? Check out THESE five self-help apps that will keep you smiling all day long!