How to Deal When Your Crush Asks You for Dating Advice
It happens to the best of us—one day, you think your relationship with your crush is progressing beautifully, and the next, they're asking you for dating advice regarding someone else entirely.
The situation can sting, but there are a few ways to go about it, depending on how strongly you feel. If you're feeling hurt, confused or just like you actually want to help, keeping scrolling to find out the best way to approach the situation.
Put Jealousy Aside
First and foremost, you don't want jealousy to drive your entire response to your crush. Unless they're the type of person who'd try to make you jealous on purpose, or use the question as a tactic to find out your feelings, it's most likely that they're asking you for dating advice because they don't currently see you as a romantic interest. While that can hurt, do keep in mind that their asking does convey an element of strong trust between the two of you, and that's something you should value regardless.
If you can't put those feelings away and know this situation is just going to make you more jealous and upset, you may want to end the conversation right then and there. If that's the case, take a stand and let them know you're not comfortable talking about their relationship with them, that it's none of your business and you'd rather not get involved. If they're unsure about your feelings, maybe that will get the point across.
If you do decide that you want to be there for your friend, the most important thing is being an attentive listener. For one, you want a full picture of what's going on so you can give the best guidance. Don't butt in before you understand the details of the situation, and certainly don't talk over them or interrupt, or try to sway them in any direction without context. Only once you've let them talk should you feel the need to weigh in.
Since good communication is the foundation of any good relationship, this can also help bring you closer together, whether that's as friends or potentially something more. You never know if being able to confide in you might result in a shared trust that can lead to more down the line. And, in the case that happens, you'll have already learned all about their concerns, likes and dislikes when it comes to relationships. Either way, you're helping a friend, and that feels good—even when the circumstances don't.
Give Good Advice
While it's likely you're going to be a little biased—you do have a crush on this person, after all—you should aim to give the best advice possible to your crush. Instead of automatically siding with your crush, and disliking the person they're interested in, try to imagine how you'd feel if you were an impartial observer. If they're still trying to get a person's attention, tell them how they can do a better job rather than sabotaging them.
In many situations, the very best thing you can do is help people make their own choices about things. Instead of deciding outcomes on their behalf, repeat their options back to them and help them weight them all out. That way, if they end up doing something that hurts them, it won't be your fault for pushing them in any direction.
Honesty is usually the best policy, so even if you're not ready to blurt out your feelings for your crush, there are a few things you can say to let them know you care. Tell your crush that whatever happens, you want what's best for them and their happiness.
If the person they're seeing is legitimately toxic, don't be afraid to speak your mind—especially if you can back it up with examples. Even if that's the case, don't resort to name-calling or attacks. It's best to stay civil and offer the criticism as constructively as possible, because some people don't like to hear anything negative about their partners (or crushes).
On the other hand, if it's a nice relationship that's making your crush happy, that happiness is more important in the moment than getting what you want. You should never go about trying to break something up for selfish reasons, and if you think it's good for them, tell them so. It's not easy, but you'd want them to do the same for you if the situation were reversed.
Not sure how your crush feels about you? Click HERE for text replies that mean they're not interested.