What to Do If Your Friends Won't Stop Bringing Up Your Ex

Breaking up is hard to do—getting your friends to stop talking about your ex is sometimes even harder.

Sure, there are times when you want to vent about your ex, be sad about them or ask people for advice—and it's okay to have those conversations— but when your pals bring up your former S.O. for no apparent reason, that's just overstepping.

gilmore girls - rory and jess

(Gilmore Girls via The CW)

Part of friend code is knowing there are certain people you just don't mention—namely, a pal's exes. Especially if you've made it clear that hearing about this person still hurts you, the people close to you should have enough respect to keep your ex's name out of their mouth.

Keep reading for what to do if your friends won't stop bringing up your ex.


1. Immediately Change the Subject

If you feel the topic of your ex coming on, quickly change it to something else before it can even get to that point. It can be anything at all, just casually bring up anything but them. If the topic actually comes up before you have a chance to change it, do not engage. Play on your cell phone, quickly turn to someone else in the group, or simply just sit there in silence. But if there's any opportunity to change the subject, do it without hesitation. You don't need to blatantly say "I don't want to talk about them!" You should be able to give them the hint just by changing the topic alone.


2. Find a Convenient Way to Walk Away

If you feel frustrated and the topic won't change, the bathroom is always an easy way out. If you recently went to the bathroom, say you need to check in with a parent or a specific friend on the phone and will be back in a bit. Pretty much any excuse will do. But find a way to exit the situation. You shouldn't be subjected to having to talk about or hear about your ex.

Mean Girls Clique

(Mean Girls via Paramount Pictures)


3. Put Your Friends in Your Shoes

If your avoidance actions aren't enough, be straightforward. Ask your friends how much they would like hearing about their exes. Explain that it's really hard for you to get over this person if you keep having to hear about them—even if it's just their name in passing. Your friends should understand and respect your wishes. It's not like you're asking them not to associate with your ex, you're simply saying you don't want to hear about them. Totally fair.


4. Avoid These Friends Until They Take a Hint

As a very last resort, if you've done all of the above and your friend(s) still can't take a hint, you've got to keep your distance. Even if it means spending a little more time alone, it's not a bad thing. It's so much healthier to be alone and work on your relationship recovery than be in the company of "friends," but be continuously reminded of someone you're trying to (emotionally) forget. At some point, your friends will sense something's up, and that's when you can remind them that you deserve respect. If they still can't live up to what's expected of any true friend, then you definitely know where you stand, and it's time to move on from them the way you're moving on from your ex.

Blair, Serena and friend sitting at lunch

(Gossip Girl via The CW)


Getting over an ex is never easy. HERE's what one of our writers learned about the relationship grieving process.