What to Do When Your Ex-BFF Still Hangs Out With Your Friend Group
Losing your bestie is tough.
This is the person who knows all your secrets, who you spent all your time with on weekends and who you had the most fun with—so when your friendship becomes irreparable, it can be very heavy on your emotions.
But as if the pain and agony of emotionally losing a loved one isn't hard enough, when you top it off with your friend group still remaining tight with this person, your social anxiety can go through the roof.
(Mean Girls via Paramount Pictures)
Keep reading for what to do when your crew still kicks it with your ex-BFF:
1. Be Reasonable
There are many reasons why friends stop talking. If you and your bestie simply just stopped getting along, you didn't like their S.O., or deep down you feel like you messed things up, you can't hold it against your squad for remaining friends with them. In this case, it's really about the two of you, and it's unfair to expect your mutual friends to take sides. That said, if your ex-bestie did something malicious that truly broke you down, it's perfectly acceptable to feel bitter about them remaining tight with your close friends. Once you fully assess your emotions and why their continued friendship with your pals bothers you, you can go from there.
2. Confide in a Trustworthy Mutual Friend About the Issue
Everyone knows you're not friends with your ex-bestie anymore, so there's no need to go on and on about it every time you're around people they're still friends with. It'll get tiring for them to hear after a while and it will make it seem like you're playing the victim and just can't move on. Instead, confide in one or two people from your group who you can truly trust, and express to them why you're so hurt. While they may not stop hanging out with this person altogether, they may respect your feelings by not posting their get-togethers on social media or only inviting them to big events like birthday parties.
(Girl Meets World via Disney Channel)
3. Ask Your Group for a Heads-Up If Your Ex-BFF Will Be Around You
You can't avoid seeing your former pal around campus, but when it comes to after-school activities, it's totally justifiable to demand to know when this person will be around your crew when you're present. Explain to your friends that it's hard for you to be in the same space as them, and that knowing if they'll be around will help determine if you want to be there, too. Who knows? They may go against inviting them if they know it means you'll attend.
4. Focus on Becoming Closer With Other People
During the time you were wrapped up with your then-BFF, chances are you may have alienated other potential close friends. Now that you have a little more time and energy to spare, use it to hone in on relationships with some acquaintances or semi-close friends who you'd like to get to know better. Letting other people in is difficult for everyone, but if you've already started becoming friends with someone, make a slightly bigger effort. It'll feel uncomfortable at first not to hang out with the people you're used to always spending time with, but taking a few steps back will be an emotionally cleansing experience and give you less to worry about. It's not at all to say you need to cut out your current group, but it's healthy to give yourself some additional options (and plus, it'll make your crew miss you more)!
5. Play It Cool
Because everyone is one big (semi) happy family, chances are you'll cross paths with your ex-bestie in some social situations. Obviously it's best to mingle and exist as if they're not there, but in the case where you pass each other walking in and out of the bathroom or you somehow get grouped into the same conversation circle in the middle of a party, do not cause a scene. If they stir something up, simply walk away or leave, but whatever you do, don't give them (or anyone else) reason to talk negatively about you behind your back. When you see your former friend, be the bigger person by cracking a slight smile or muttering a "hey." If you're far too upset to do even that, then simply just walk by and do nothing. Again, don't give anyone a reason to say anything about you except that you're handling this situation like an adult.
6. Know That the Less You Say to Your Friends About This Person, the Less They'll Have to Say About You
A big concern you likely have when your current friends hang out with your ex-friends is that they'll all gather around and talk negatively about you behind your back. We've been on both ends of the situation, and we can say that unless either of the ex-friends actively brings up the other, we try to stay neutral. We are genuinely friends with both of you, so we're not going to go behind either of your backs and start drama—unless there's a specific reason. Again, pick a person or two who you truly trust, and vent to them. But don't make it a topic of the entire group's every conversation. If a person in your circle starts stirring the pot for their own benefit and tries getting you to start saying bad things, tell them straight-up that you want to change the subject. It'll only help you in the end.
7. Allow Time to Tell
Chances are, if your ex-friend did something truly horrible to you, they're bound to do it to someone else. Just because things are hunky-dory between them and your other friends now, doesn't mean it will end up that way in the long run. From our past experiences, what goes around really does come around, and over time, others will see this person's true colors. You just need to be patient and let time do the talking, instead of you doing the talking.
(Glee via Fox)
8. Put Yourself First
Bottom line: Do what's right for you. You're put in a really uncomfortable situation. Suddenly your social life is turned upside-down, and you may feel trapped. Remember that happiness is on the other side of discomfort, and while it may be easiest to just go along with every invite and continue on your same social routine, stepping outside of your comfort zone and turning things down from time to time to protect your sanity will help you.
Sure, it's hard to RSVP "no" to a close friend's birthday, but if that's what's going to keep your head on straight, then a true friend will respect that and be totally okay with your decision. Like the end of any relationship—friendship or otherwise—if it's still too hard to see the person you were once incredibly close to, then avoid it at all costs. Use the time getting over this person to focus on yourself. Work out, study harder, read more, take up a new hobby. And then, once you've grown from it all, you may feel in a better place to deal with this once-uncomfortable condition.
Is there a chance you and your BFF stopped talking for the wrong reasons? You shouldn't end a friendship over THESE five scenarios.