How to Shift Your Negative Mindset Right After a Breakup

Breaking up is hard to do.

Whether we're totally missing our exes, reeling over insults they've thrown our way, or we continue replaying the relationship in our mind—dealing with the immediate aftermath of a split is (typically) never positive.

Jughead Looking at Betty

(Riverdale via The CW)

Unless you're one of the lucky ones to embark on a clean break in which you and your S.O. respect each other and simply just realized you're better off as friends, negative thoughts are probably flowing through you like water through a faucet. But that doesn't have to be the case!

Keep reading for how to shift your negative mindset right after a breakup:

1. Go From Sad to Empowered

It's easy to wallow in self-pity and sorrow right after a split. Instead, try focusing on how much more powerful you can be as a party of one. People admire strong girls who can hold their own and don't need an S.O. to complete them. Take the energy you put into your relationship and use it to make yourself a better person.

Whether it's working out more, putting more effort in your day-to-day appearance, volunteering, or getting a job to save up for your a major purchase (like a car, for example), bouncing back and showing everyone (including yourself!) that you're awesome on your own will make you so much more fun to be around than if you're constantly moping and giving off energy that says you don't want to move on.

Girl sitting on the floor with workout gear

(via Shutterstock)

2. Go From Lonely to I'm-Single-and-Ready-to-Mingle

Don't get us wrong, we're not at all about rebound relationships. You should definitely be over your ex before you jump back into something romantic with someone else. But, instead of focusing on sadness right now, remind yourself that indeed you are single, and that wallowing in your misery will never help you move on. Being open to meeting new people and at least chatting with unfamiliar faces at parties and school will slowly but surely transition you into the girl who's ready to date again.

3. Go From Looking Back to Looking Ahead

It's easy to hold onto the past when you're fresh from a breakup—whether it's happy stuff, like going to baseball games with your ex and their family, or not-so-happy stuff, like how you always fought when they ditched you for their friends.

What you need to realize is that it's over. It's all in the past, and your relationship (for better or worse) is done. Sure, you don't need to completely erase moments that meant something to you, but replaying every aspect of your relationship isn't going to bring it back. Think about the present as a fresh start. You can be whomever you want to be. You now have the ability to create fresh memories. Whether that be with friends or a new S.O., the future is bright, so don't be afraid to let the light in.

Unsplash: woman laying in leave smiling

(via Unsplash)

4. Go From Regret to Lessons Learned

No relationship is perfect, and no matter how things ended with an ex, we're likely to analyze every detail and kick ourselves for saying this or doing that. Well, guess what? It's said and done and the relationship is over. Going back and forth about what you could have done differently will not do anything for your past relationship—it can, however, do wonders for the future. Instead of kicking yourself in the head, think of how past mistakes will lead you to make better decisions in whatever relationship you get into next.

Think of this past relationship as practice. Sure, maybe you really like your ex and wanted them to be "The One," but it is what it is, and now that you're a bit more self-aware, it's only going to make your future relationships that much healthier. Everyone makes mistakes when it comes to dating and relationships, so just know that you're not the only one who wishes they could change the past. Not learning from those mistakes and missteps is the real error.


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