How I've Learned to Love Ghosting

I know how bad ghosting is.

Really, I do. It's selfish and cowardly and totally rude to the person being ghosted. And yet…

Bad as it may be, I find that I kind of love ghosting. Don't get me wrong, I don't like being ghosted. I'm an anxious person and a lack of response generally sends me into a tailspin of self-doubt. But, after a string of odd dates and psuedo-relationships, I found that ghosting has its uses.

Keep scrolling to see how I learned to love ghosting.

I was single for about a year and a half when I decided to re-enter the dating scene in earnest. I hadn't really been interested in a relationship before then, half because I was still recovering from a tough breakup, and half because I'm just not good at the ins and outs of dating. Contrived situations make me uncomfortable, and I much prefer to meet someone naturally, rather than search for a person who might potentially be interested in dating me.

girl walking along the beach

(via Unsplash)

Still, I was starting to get lonely, so I decided to suck it up and give dating a go. Through various methods—friends, dating apps, random run-ins—I actually went on quite a few dates. In fact, I gave myself a goal of going on one date a week. That way, I wouldn't chicken out and decide meeting up with people was too hard or too scary.

And you know what I realized? I just don't like that many people. At the same time, not many people like me. It's a part of dating that took me a while to accept—you are not going to connect with every person you meet.

After some thought and a string of disheartening dates, I calmly came to the conclusion that you're not going to meet your soulmate on the first try. That's fine—I'm in no hurry. But knowing that I didn't like most of the guys I was going out with presented me with a dilemma I hadn't dealt with before: how to get rid of them.

blackish - zoey holding a phone, annoyed

(Black-ish via Freeform)

I had only been in serious relationships up to that point, all of which required a lot of tears and long conversations before they officially ended. I wasn't sure what I owed these guys, or if I even had a specific reason as to why I didn't want to see them again. For most people, there just wasn't any chemistry. Did I really have to give them an explanation? Most of the time, we'd only been on one date. How would it help them to hear that I didn't like them, when I was still basically a stranger?

So, I ghosted them. And you know what? It felt good. Instead of having a drawn-out conversation or sending a message full of lame excuses, I just didn't reply. It was easy as that, and I never had to worry about those guys again.

And don't you worry, it happened to me, too. I didn't have everyone falling all over themselves to date me. While I was ghosting the guys I wasn't interested in, the guys I was interested in were ghosting me. But as time went on, I minded less and less.

girl with braids smiling at her phone

(via Unsplash)

Here's what I realized: I didn't need to hear why those guys weren't interested in me. They barely knew anything about me, so why should I take anything they say seriously? In addition, I didn't need a message full of lame excuses. If they weren't interested, they weren't interested—a fact that was easily communicated when they didn't reply to my text messages. A conversation wouldn't have changed that they didn't want to see me again. In fact, it would have made me feel uncomfortable and embarrassed, as I would have to face the fact that they just didn't like me.

Once I came to terms with being ghosted, I also embraced the idea of ghosting other people. Conversations and upfront statements about your intentions are nice, but they're not always necessary. If you barely have any history with a person, what harm can it do to just disappear? In fact, it might save them from hurt and embarrassment, as it did for me numerous times.

Easy A: Emma Stone on phone doing thumbs up

(Easy A via Olive Bridge Entertainment)

I'm not saying I was in the right. I have many girlfriends who are always upfront about their dating intentions. They'll turn people down after a first date with a simple "I don't think we were a match" or "I'm not ready for a relationship." That's all well and good, but does it really change anything in the long run? I don't think so.

The point is, ghosting in certain situations might not be that bad. In fact, it might be the preferable option, saving you from having an annoying conversation with someone you don't have any real connection to. I'm not suggesting you should ghost someone you've been seeing seriously, but I also don't think ghosting deserves quite as bad of a rep as it's been given. In fact, I kind of love it.

 

Wondering why someone disappeared on you? Click HERE for the 6 most likely reasons you were ghosted.