Important Lessons You Can Learn From Being Ghosted
If you've ever been ghosted, then you're fully aware of just how frustrating it is.
Things seem to be going great with your new crush, you've been hanging out pretty consistently and all signs indicate that you're headed towards a full-blown relationship… only to have them stop talking to you without any warning or explanation.
You can have all kinds of theories about why your crush decided to totally disappear from your life, but even if you spend weeks obsessing over their thought process, you probably won't come up with any definitive answers.
However, instead of trying to fix something you can't change, you can actually use ghosting to your advantage. Keep scrolling for important lessons you can learn from being ghosted.
1. Anger Has Its Place
We're all a little afraid of getting angry. It's tough to show when you're upset or frustrated with something, especially if you're afraid of conflict. However, justified irritation definitely has its place, and there's nothing more anger-inducing than being ghosted.
Being ghosted teaches you that it's okay to get angry in a relationship. In fact, it's a pretty essential part of sticking up for yourself and establishing the behavior you will and won't accept. We're not saying you should send your crush a 12-page rant detailing all the reasons why ghosting isn't okay, but you also shouldn't shame yourself for being angry. Anger plays a crucial role in determining your relationship criteria, so learning what sets you off and how to manage that anger effectively are all skills you can take into your future relationships, ultimately making you a better partner.
(Sierra Burgess Is Loser via Netflix)
2. Effort Matters
In the fairytale world of relationships, we're taught that all that really matters in a romance is how much you care about each other. If you have an undeniable chemistry, everything else will just naturally fall into place. Unfortunately, that couldn't be farther from the truth. Yes, your connection with someone matters, but the effort they're willing to put into the relationship also plays a role in your romance's success. You may get along swimmingly, but if they're not willing to make you a priority and work to make your relationship last, things are never going to work out.
Often ghosting happens when you least expect it, but if you can learn to keep an eye out for partners who aren't putting much effort into staying in contact with you, you'll save yourself a lot of pain in the future and maybe even avoid being ghosted again.
3. You Can't Trust Words Alone
We're hesitant to bring up the age-old "actions speak louder than words," but considering how true it is in this situation, we just can't help it. Ghosting is often so painful because it's preceded by lots of promises from your crush that they really like you and they see things going somewhere. However, if they're only telling you how much they care for you and neglecting to follow it up with action, you simply can't believe them.
Trust has to be earned, and the only way to truly show someone that you're trustworthy is to act in a reliable manner. It's hard to believe that someone could tell you all kinds of nice things without really meaning them, but that's exactly what happened. While painful, ghosting teaches you not to give trust away to people who don't deserve it, and to wait until they show you how much they like you, rather than relying on empty promises.
(Pretty Little Liars via Freeform)
4. Sometimes Things Just Don't Work Out
Honestly, we all idealize dating. We want everything to pan out like a fairytale or a sweet romantic comedy. You meet, you go on a few whirlwind dates, you fall in love and voila! you've reached your happily ever after. However, the world of dating is more complicated than that, and sometimes things just don't work out.
There may have been nothing wrong in your relationship—your chemistry was perfect, you were both attracted to each other, your timing was ideal—and things can still end. If there's anything you can learn from ghosting, it's that sometimes things just don't work out, even when there's nothing explicitly wrong in your relationship. It's not great, but it's also not the end of the world.
5. Actions Have Consequences
Ghosting is so annoyingly prevalent because we live in a digital era. It's so easy to just ignore a text message or avoid an Instagram DM because you don't have to look the person in the eyes and deal with their reaction to your actions. However, actions still have consequences, even if you can't see them. While being ghosted seriously hurts, chances are you've likely ghosted a potential love interest at some point, as well—maybe without even realizing it.
Actions, even ones you make using your phone, still have repercussions. They can be hurtful and damaging and seriously upsetting, and just because you're able to avoid seeing those reactions doesn't mean that they're not happening. Keep your frustration with being ghosted in mind moving forward, and try to treat everyone else in your life with the same amount of respect and consideration that you would have wanted, even if you're only communicating using your phone.
Looking for more relationship advice? Click HERE for seven important things to keep in mind when dating an extrovert.