The 10 Worst Lies Rom-Coms Told Us About Relationships

For all the hopeless romantics among us, rom-coms are the pinnacle of relationship goals.

There's just one problem—these movies that we swoon and sob over are completely lying to us. It's time to wake up and face the facts: Real life relationships are not like a rom-com. In fact, they're not even close.

Not convinced? Keep scrolling for the 10 worst lies rom-coms told us about relationships.

1. Romantic Gestures Are the Norm

If rom-coms are to be believed, successful relationships are meant to be filled with constant over-the-top gestures of love and romance. Dozens of red roses sent to your office building, a flash mob bombarding with you a specially-choreographed dance, flying across the country just to confess your feelings—these and more ridiculous scenarios are just the norm in the world of rom-coms.

In reality, relationships aren't built on grand gestures of romance. In fact, those big moments would likely make people very uncomfortable if they were to actually occur in real life. Relationships are built on trust, communication and a genuine understanding of who the other person is. It's a lot quieter than the grand gestures of rom-coms, but it's also about a million times more stable.

friends with benefits - ending flash mob scene

(Friends With Benefits via Castle Rock Entertainment)


2. Nothing Is Creepy If the Person Is 'The One'

If you really stop and think about it, many of the gestures in rom-coms are actually pretty creepy. Threatening to jump off a ferris wheel if you don't agree to go on a date would be considered emotionally abusive behavior in real life, but in the world of rom-coms it's totally fine because the two people are "meant to be." According to rom-coms, nothing is creepy if two people are destined to fall in love.

Here's the thing—many rom-com tropes would be incredibly alarming if they were repeated in a real-life scenario. Stalking someone until you give them your number or threatening physical harm if you're not immediately interested in them is deeply manipulative and not at all romantic. What's more, there's very little chance that any of us would actually be impressed by these aggressive actions in real life.

the notebook - noah on the ferris wheel scene

(The Notebook via New Line Cinema)


3. Airport Declarations of Love Are Common

Have you ever seen someone jump off a plane to find the person they love? What about a person who gets dramatically stopped at the gate by an old flame who just can't live without them? Because I certainly haven't witnessed anything like that. But according to rom-coms, there's absolutely no better place than the airport to profess your love, which we just have to disagree with.

Do you know how incredibly expensive plane tickets are? Why on earth would you throw away a trip and waste all that money just to run off to the person you love? A text message would be just as effective at communicating your feelings, and it doesn't involve the hassle of getting through security, the possibility of public rejection or the lost money that an airport declaration of love demands.

love actually -sam at the airport scene

(Love Actually via Universal Pictures)


4. Dramatic Fights Are Symbolic of Passion

Another overused rom-com trope, why does the couple always hate each other at the beginning of their romance? They usually harbor a deep dislike for the other person, which generally transforms into genuine feelings of love as they spend more time together. In fact, it's soon discovered that their blowup arguments were just hiding their passion all along.

First of all, if you hate someone, you're probably just going to keep hating them. Love and hate are both strong emotions, but one doesn't magically turn into the other. Second of all, blowup arguments and a tumultuous relationship aren't an indication that you're passionate about each other—they just mean that you're totally incompatible and incapable of disagreeing in a healthy manner. In our opinion, that doesn't sound like a relationship worth swooning over.

10 things I hate About You: patrick and kat

(10 Things I Hate About You via Touchstone Pictures)


5. Hearing Each Other Out Is a Ridiculous Suggestion

There's nothing we hate more in a rom-com than a clear misunderstanding that ends a relationship, simply because one half of the couple isn't willing to hear their partner out. And it happens all the time. In fact, it's often the climax of the movie—one partner catches their S.O. in a compromising position and immediately breaks up with them, without waiting for an explanation, even though the reason they're in that position is often so simple and incredibly innocent.

According to rom-coms, hearing your partner out is totally off the table. A grown-up discussion and a mutual exchange of feelings and information is the dumbest thing you can do, so it's better to just break off the entire relationship and put both you and your partner through emotional torment. In reality, however, your relationship can't exist unless you're willing to talk things out, so this is just another one of the many ways that rom-coms have lied to us.

Peter won't let Lara Jean break up with him

(To All the Boys I've Loved Before via Netflix)


6. All Your Friends Are In Love With You

Yet another rom-com lie, apparently all your friends are secretly in love with you. You didn't know? Well, that's okay—it'll all come out in a massive reveal, usually after you've found someone else who makes you happy.

Yes, in the world of rom-coms, people who are just friends are practically an impossibility, especially if it's a man and a women. Sadly, this almost never carries over into real life. If it did, many of our relationships would be massively simplified, as you could just count on a wonderful declaration of love from your BFF somewhere down the line.

my best friend's wedding - jules and michael

(My Best Friend's Wedding via TriStar Pictures)


7. Rain Is Romantic

Why do rom-coms want us to believe that rain is romantic? Almost every touching, heartbreaking or loving scene is depicted in the rain. But let's think about this realistically—rain is cold. It ruins your hair, your makeup, your clothes, your shoes—basically, the last thing you ever want to do is make up with someone while standing in the middle of a thunderstorm. It's uncomfortable and awkward, not romantic and alluring. Why can't you just do the love declaration thing inside? Does that take away form the power of the words? If you insist on standing in the rain to have a romantic moment with your S.O., you're probably going to catch a cold. What's romantic about that?

the notebook - noah and allie in the rain

(The Notebook via New Line Cinema)


8. You Can Change a 'Bad Boy'

A ridiculous and massively overused storyline, rom-coms love to tout the idea that a guy who is a total and complete jerk will definitely change for the right woman. On the surface, it seems romantic, but it carries a lot of harmful messages.

For starters, it's not a woman's job to change a man into a better person. It requires a lot of emotional labor on the woman's part, just to make her partner into a decent human being. Secondly, it often creates a very toxic relationship, filled with a lot of hurt and pain for both parties, as one person just isn't treating the other correctly. Lastly, it'very unlikely that anyone will change at the drop of a hat, no matter how much they care about someone. Years of learned behavior isn't just thrown away because you developed feelings for another person.

crazy stupid love - emma stone and ryan gosling kissing

(Crazy Stupid Love via Carousel Productions)


9. Wedding Interruptions Are Romantic

Much like airport declarations of love, rom-coms are also big on the passion of wedding interruptions. After all, what could be more romantic than confessing your feelings for someone in the middle of the ceremony and subsequently riding off into the sunset together?

In real life, however, wedding interruptions are just rude. It totally negates the time and effort that was put into planning the affair, and doesn't account for the fact that if the other person is up there ready to commit their life to someone else, they probably don't want you. Wedding interruptions will likely never work out well for the person who cuts in, and should definitely not be attempted in real life.

made of honor -wedding interruption scene

(Made of Honor via Columbia Pictures Corporation)


10. Love Is All That Matters

Lastly, rom-coms would like us to believe that love is all that really matters. If you love someone, your relationship is bound to work out, no matter what else might get in your way. You should give up massive life opportunities, like your dream job, in order to stay with the person you love. Cheating is fine, as long as you're cheating with someone you love. In fact, even compatibility matters very little, as love is enough to overcome any and every problem.

In reality, love is only the first step towards having a successful relationship. You can love someone very deeply, but if the timing isn't right, if your values don't align or if they're already committed to someone else, it just isn't going to work. Love matters, but it's not all that matters.


(Something Borrowed via Alcon Entertainment)


Wondering which movies exactly have ruined our ideas about love? Click HERE for eight rom-coms that ruined our high school relationship expectations.