Things You Should NEVER Do When Fighting With Your S.O.
If you've ever been in a relationship, you know that arguing comes with the territory.
It's just not possible to agree with someone every second of every day, so fights and squabbles are a totally natural and healthy part of developing a strong relationship with your special someone.
However, there are good and bad ways to argue. Keep scrolling for a few things that you should never do when fighting with your S.O.
Don't Ignore Their Side Of the Argument
At their core, arguments stem from a general feeling that you've been slighted or wronged in some way. When you feel like your S.O. has done something to hurt you, it becomes all too easy to get lost in your emotions and ignore anything they might have to say about the situation.
However, failing to hear your significant other's side of things is a big no-no when it comes to effective fighting. Not only does it ignore your partner's feelings about the situation—which can lead to more resentment and anger in the future—it also eliminates the possibility of working through the problem and finding a solution that works for everyone. Fighting takes two people, so working through the fight should take into account both you and your S.O.'s side of the argument.
(Riverdale via The CW)
Don't Ignore Your Faults
Just as you shouldn't ignore your S.O.'s side of the argument, you also shouldn't ignore the part you play in any disagreement. No one is perfect, so it's natural that your faults and shortcomings may play a role in any argument you get into with your S.O.
For example, if you know you have a jealous streak, you should take that into account before accusing your S.O. of flirting with another girl. It's good to approach your partner about things bothering you, but you also have to take responsibility for your faults in the situation. When you do that, you'll be able to have a much more effective discussion that'll allow both of you to acknowledge what you can change to avoid arguments in the future.
Don't Bring Up Old Arguments
When fighting with someone you care about, it's highly possible that your emotions will temporarily replace your sense of reason. Even though you're angry about one particular situation, an overly emotional state makes it all too easy to start listing off everything your S.O. has ever done wrong in an attempt to "win" the argument.
However, bringing up past disagreements will only prolong your current argument. Not only will you start a cycle of keeping score that will lead to a lot of anger for both you and your partner, but you'll also push yourself further and further away from finding a legitimate solution to your current problem. Stay focused on the problem at hand, and don't let your emotions lead you to bring up old arguments that have already been solved.
(Gossip Girl via The CW)
Don't Fight While You're Angry
This is the cardinal rule of effectively fighting with your partner, and it's also the most difficult rule to follow. Fights usually happen when you or your partner have done something to irritate or annoy the other person. When you're feeling angry, it's natural to lash out and insist that you and your partner solve the problem right then and there. However, arguing while you're angry can result in a lot of rage-driven statements and an inability to explain the real source of your anger. You may end up saying things you don't mean and you probably won't be ready to listen to your partner's side of things. Therefore, it's better to take a step away and calm down before you confront your partner. Not only will this result in a more productive discussion, it will also help you to minimize hurtful statements that can damage the future of your relationship.
Don't Bring Other People Into Your Argument
When you're angry or upset with your S.O., turning to your squad for a compassionate ear and loving advice is a normal response. Whether you want to hear that you're justified in your anger or you just need someone to talk to, friends and family are the ultimate place for you to air out your grievances.
However, bringing other people into your arguments with your S.O. is a big mistake. Not only does it make your private life public, it also adds more voices and opinions to a situation that should really stay between you and the person directly involved. If you really feel like you need advice, talking it out with your girls is okay, but it should be a last resort. Try to keep your dirty laundry between you and your S.O., and don't bring other people into your arguments.
(Pretty Little Liars via Freeform)
Don't Hide Your Feelings
Honesty is one of the most important things to keep in mind when arguing with your S.O. If your partner is really angry at you or if you're someone who hates confrontation, it can be easy to sugarcoat how you feel or downplay your irritation in order to end the fight more quickly. But failing to be honest with your feelings will only lead to more problems in the future.
Eventually, your bottled-up emotions will come spilling out, which will result in an even worse fight that you might be unable to fix. Instead, you should be upfront about your feelings from the beginning. You can confront your S.O. from a place of kindness, but don't hide your true feelings from them. Confronting those feelings and working through them is the only way to effectively deal and move on.
Fighting in a relationship is normal, but how do you know when your relationship is becoming unhealthy? Click HERE for seven relationship red flags you should never ignore.