Is Your Past Relationship Interfering With Your New One?

Our relationships with our exes belong in the past.

Unfortunately, just because our exes are meant to be in our rearview doesn't mean they stay there. We're creatures of habit, so the things we got used to in the past can find their way into our present day, whether we want them to or not.

That's definitely the truth when it comes to relationships. If you dealt with hurtful issues in a previous romance, you may be waiting for those same  habits to rear their ugly heads in a new romance. Unfortunately, holding onto the baggage from a previous relationship can definitely affect your current love life.

So is your past relationship interfering with your new one? Keep scrolling for five signs it definitely is.

You're Waiting For Your Partner to Mess Up

An ex is an ex for a reason. More than likely, your previous partner displayed some hurtful behavior that really affected the health of your relationship. While you may have eliminated that person from your life, the memory of their behavior isn't always gone as quickly as they are.

Do you find that you're expecting your new partner to repeat the behavior of your past relationship? Are you silently waiting for them to mess up, ready to call them on it if they take the tiniest step in that direction? If so, your past relationship is definitely interfering in your new one. You can't project the problems of a past partner onto a current S.O. If you do, you're not living in the present moment. Instead, you're allowing your memories of the past to affect your current feelings. Your new person will have their own flaws and shortcomings, but waiting for them to act like your ex just sets both of you up for failure.

The Vampire Diaries: Damon, Stefan and Elena

(The Vampire Diaries via The CW)

 

You Push Your Partner Away

As much as we demonize past partners, it's totally possible that your ex wasn't even a bad person. Even if that's the truth, the end of a relationship is still painful and scary. It hurts to lose someone you care about, and it can create a lot of fear as you head into new romances. Instead of embracing the present with your partner, you're terrified of being hurt again. You push your partner away, ruining your chances to truly connect and build a healthy romance.

This reaction makes sense—you don't want to be hurt, so you don't let anyone close enough to hurt you. While it's certainly a logical jump, it also means that you're allowing a past heartbreak to affect your current happiness. If you don't risk the hurt, you'll never find the joy. Your relationship may end in heartbreak again or it may lead to total happiness. Either way, you'll never know unless you give it a real shot.

 

You Turn Little Things Into a Big Deal

Once you've been hurt by a breakup, you're much more wary of your new relationship. Unfortunately, heartbreak gives you a much clearer understanding of the ways that people can hurt you. Suddenly, little things that wouldn't have bothered you before seem like a huge deal, causing you to blow up at your partner for the tiniest of infractions.

If you're a little volatile in your new relationship, it could be because you haven't processed the hurt of a previous romance. You're still dealing the the trust issues that accompany heartbreak, causing you to turn everything into a big deal, even if it isn't. Not only does that make your current relationship pretty unhappy, it also means you're making your current partner responsible for things that are really about your ex.

Legally Blonde: Vivian and Warner meet Elle

(Legally Blonde via Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer)

 

You Repeat Dates

Since there's only a finite number of date options available, it's likely that you'll repeat some of your old activities in your new romance. While going to dinner at your favorite restaurant with your ex and your new partner is okay, using dates with your new person as a redo of old nights out is not.

Do you use dates with your new partner as a chance to wipe out bad memories from a past relationship? For example, your ex may have ruined a special dinner or a fun activity, so you plan that same date with your new partner to prove that things will go smoothly this time around. It makes sense—you want to prove you weren't the problem. However, it also means you're ruminating on those past hurts when you should be having fun with a new partner. Your time with your ex is over—it's time to let those bad memories go.

 

You Avoid Things That Remind You of Your Ex

On the opposite end of repeating dates, avoiding certain things that remind you of your ex is just as bad. For example, skipping a certain song every time it comes on the radio or refusing to go to a specific location with your new partner means past hurts are creeping into a current romance. Not only does it indicate that you might not be over your ex, it also keeps you from fully enjoying time with your current partner because you're caught up in insignificant reminders of a past relationship. The world is your oyster, as they say. If you avoid things that remind you of your ex, you're not giving your new relationship the freedom it needs to thrive.

 

 

Looking  for more dating advice? Click HERE for why it's a good thing when your crush gets into a relationship with someone else.