The Problem With Being a People-Pleaser, as Told by a Pro People-Pleaser

I'll admit it—I'm a people-pleaser.

Call me what you want—a selfless individual, a person who lives to serve, a pushover. But it's true, I love to please others, even if it means sacrificing my own happiness.

Sad teen girl resting against a wall

(via Shutterstock)

Up until recently, I thought that being a people-pleaser was a good thing, and don't get me wrong, it is. But only to some extent.

The problem with always doing whatever others want, letting others influence your actions and not having your own opinions, is that after some time you start to lose hold of your identity.

If you're a people-pleaser, too, take a peek at just six downsides to your selfless nature below.

1. You Lose Your Ability to Make Decisions

All people-pleasers do is let others make decisions. You let people decide everything from your weekend plans, to what you're eating for every meal and what movie you'll watch on Netflix. Why? Because you want the people in your life to be happy. But you know what? You deserve happiness and a choice, too. If you are constantly letting others call the shots, stop. You are capable and ready to start making decisions of your own. Stop asking what others want for once, and voice your opinion.

Teen girl covering her mouth
(via Shutterstock)


2. You Become Terrible at Saying No

When you get in the habit of always saying "yes" to everything anyone ever asks you to do, saying "no" becomes exceedingly difficult. Pretty soon, you're going to have a bucket list of after school activities and other commitments you've signed up for but aren't able to enjoy because you've got so much going on. Say yes only to the things that bring you happiness. It's okay to let others down sometimes—there's only so much you can do!


3. People Begin to Take Advantage of You

When you say "yes" all the time, people begin to notice. They begin to think that you will agree to anything they ask for, and, unfortunately, they may take advantage of that. Be mindful of who you are trying to please, and be okay with saying no if you feel like you are not benefiting from the situation.


4. You Stop Seeing How Valuable You Are

Every time you let someone else make a big decision for you, you're giving up a little bit of self-respect. Your preference is just as important as your bestie's and you need to know that. Have a voice and speak up when you have an opinion—chances are your real friends will value that.Girl thinking and standing by water

(via Shutterstock)


5. You Cause Unnecessary Stress

Pleasing people 24/7 is not easy. It requires a lot of energy and produces a lot of unnecessary stress. Can you imagine how much easier your life would be if you focused a little more on what you want, rather than what everyone else around you wants? Stop second guessing yourself, and life will become a lot less stressful.


6. You Build Up Resentment

Eventually, resentment will build up over time if you're always pushing your thoughts and opinions to the sidelines. Communicate with your friends and family what you want frequently so that you don't end up living your life according to others. Resentment is no fun!


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