10 Questions to Ask Yourself If You're Feeling Bored in Your Relationship
Has your relationship started feeling stale after a little while?
It happens to the best of us, and while feeling a little bored in a relationship from time to time is normal, feeling it all the time can signal that a change is in order.
Of course, that doesn't always mean a breakup is inevitable. In fact, we think boredom is often a sign that a relationship can get better. Keep reading to find out the 10 things you should ask yourself when you start feeling bored in your relationship.
1. 'How Does Being Bored Make Me Feel?'
Knowing why you're bored in a relationship begins with understanding your feelings. When you're bored with your significant other, does it make you feel anxious and unhappy, or is it a little bit uneventful, but still calm and comfortable? Sometimes, quietly doing nothing with someone you care about can feel boring, but still sweet. But if those duller moments are packed with tension and feel like they're draining you, you may need to start thinking about whether a little bit of excitement needs to be injected into the relationship, or if it's not worth the effort at all.
2. 'It This Serious, or Just the End of the Honeymoon Phase?'
At the beginning of relationships, things can seem utterly perfect. Everything the other person says and does seems lovely and charming, every moment you spend together is blissful, and it's like they could do no wrong. But that doesn't last forever. At some point, you start seeing the other person as they truly are, and that can be difficult for some people. If you once loved hanging out but not doing much, that experience may now lack the magic it once had. That's normal, and nothing to be alarmed about unless seeing things with clear eyes and a reality check makes you question the relationship entirely.
3. 'Would I Be Bored Regardless of My Relationship Status?'
Being bored in a relationship isn't always purely a reflection of the relationship. Sometimes, not being fully content in other areas of your life can trickle into your dating life. Maybe your classes and extracurriculars have you feeling drained, or perhaps not challenged enough, and you don't feel super engaged with your school or your hobbies. You might expect a relationship to be the remedy to these woes, but it's not going to solve all of your problems for you. Relationships and apathy both require work, and you shouldn't always blame your partner if your outside feelings influence your time together.
4. 'Am I Bored With My Partner, or Am I Being Boring?'
Always remember that relationships are a two-way street. If you and your S.O. have different opinions or priorities when it comes to the way you spend time together, it's important to discuss that with them if you're not happy. Ask yourself if they're preventing you from pursuing the things that matter to you. If they are, it's important to reevaluate what the relationship means to you and whether it makes sense to stay in it. On the other hand, if you don't actually know what you'd be doing with your time without them, and you're bored simply because you're not doing anything interesting, you may just need to work harder to do something fun in your relationship.
5. 'Am I Causing Conflict Just Because?'
When a relationship starts to get stale, a couple can find themselves arguing over the littlest of things. This can be a sign not just of boredom, but that people are feeling a bit helpless and defeated in a relationship. Every little thing that's out of place makes both parties compare how much they're putting into the partnership versus how much they're getting back. Sometimes, people start fights just because they're the opposite of boring. Their emotions are all over the place, and they're not thinking about the consequences so they're not afraid to make themself the bad guy. When boredom gets to this point, it's important to address the underlying cause and find out if the relationship is really worth salvaging.
6. 'Am I Open With My S.O.?'
It's not always easy to be completely open and honest with someone, but the more direct you are with your S.O. about your feelings of boredom, the better off you'll be. After all, if you keep those thoughts to yourself, nothing will ever get done about them. Talking about your emotions might be difficult, but by communicating clearly, you have a chance to share your true feelings, talk things out and give the other person a chance to suggest things and work to a conclusion with you. Plus, feeling safe with someone can enhance your relationship, and there's nothing boring about sharing how you feel.
7. 'Am I Bored Because My Significant Other Isn't Right for Me?'
Not all relationships are destined to work out, and sometimes, you have to take a hard look at what you're doing to determine whether it really works for you. Maybe you're bored because you have different interests, are never on the same page and always get roped up in the things they want to do. This could either mean that you've struggled to assert your side in the relationship, or that the other person isn't respecting your needs. Sometimes, addressing this problem can be as simple as speaking up. At the same time, you might realize that none of these things are the case, and that being bored has nothing to do with incompatibility.
8. 'What Do I Want Out of This Relationship?'
If there's something that you feel is lacking overall in the relationship, it might be wise to try figuring out what that is. Maybe it's something you can both work toward by honestly discussing it. On the other hand, it might be something that your significant other can't or won't be able to provide you. Understand if what you need is something completely new and different, or if you can work on what you have in order to be happy. Sometimes, being bored is just a sign that you can do more to work toward happiness with the person you're already with.
9. 'Do I Even Want to Be in a Relationship?'
If boredom is making you feel apathetic and you're not putting anything into your relationship, then maybe you're better off being alone and reconnecting with yourself than trying to be happy with someone else. Maybe the stagnation you feel makes you crave being single again, in which case you should remember that there are ways to reclaim your independence without resorting to a breakup. Of course, the answer may also be the complete opposite. If you're only in a relationship because you can't stand being alone, you might not be in it for the right reasons. But if you do truly enjoy the other person's company, even when you're not having the most fun, it's probably worth seeing things through. Be honest with yourself about the purpose of your relationship, and work from there.
10. 'What Do I Do About This?'
Perhaps the most important question to ask yourself if you're feeling bored in your relationship is whether you're going to do anything about it. At first glance, breaking up might seem like the thing to do, but it's critical to consider all of the factors first and make sure it's a decision you won't immediately regret. Unless you're absolutely sure, you might want to try other things first. Maybe you need to start by doing my fun stuff together. Plan outings and go on dates with other couples to see if that relights the spark. And always, always remember that another person's emotions are also involved, and that you don't want to do anything to intentionally hurt them.
Need help keeping things interesting? Click HERE for 10 flirty texts to send when you're feeling bored.