Ah, ghosting—the easy (and often pain-inducing) way out.
Whether you’re the ghoster or the ghostee, something in the dynamic of you and another person was clearly off, and the only way to terminate your communication once and for all was for one of you to cut the other off, cold turkey.
While it totally sucks to be on the receiving end of a ghost, the person who ghosted you didn’t just wake up one morning and decide they never wanted to speak to you again. There are a handful of possible reasons why they came to this harsh decision.
1. You Have a Texting Style That Turns Them Off
You and another person may totally vibe IRL, but when it comes to digital communication, there’s a chance you couldn’t be more different. If all your replies to a person’s text involve a meme, gif or overload of emojis, and they don’t reciprocate that form of convo, that can be a big turnoff to them. This is especially true if it goes on over time and you’re still not picking up on their texting cues.
No one wants to spend their days having to continuously force a “lol” following gif after gif that they don’t relate to at all. If you don’t seem to pick up on their texting humor or personality, there’s a good chance they’re willing to forgo your in-person chemistry and kick you to the curb as they learn more about you via this form of communication.
(Pretty Little Liars via Freeform)
2. You Bombard Them With Unnecessary Texts
Unless we’re absolutely wild about someone, the last thing we want is a daily distraction full of “how’s it going?” and “what’s up?” texts. If you’ve been talking to someone for weeks or months and the convo rarely makes it much past the “good… u?” point, what reason do you really have to keep things going? Neither of you have put in effort to push things further along, so this pointless, mild banter is bound to get old.
But, on the flip-side, do you further convo along too much? Like, does the person straight-up tell your they’re busy with something or give you one-word answers, and do you continue asking them meaningless questions, or offer up pointless tidbits throughout the day just to keep communication going? If you regularly send texts that serve no purpose but to fill up their inbox, they’ll have a right to feel annoyed, and probably figure ghosting is the only way to get you to stop.
3. You Just Won’t Take a Hint
Sure, you may have initially gotten some decent responses out of someone who ghosted you, but were you always the initiator? Did they reply, but with minimal excitement or effort? Did you often attempt to make plans with them, only to have them make excuse after excuse to not hang out?
If your communication has been limited and they’ve all but directly told you they have no interest in hanging out with you, ghosting may be the only option to get you off their back. If they don’t see a romantic future with you, and you didn’t come from a place of an already-established friendship, there’s really no point in a constant back and forth.
(Gilmore Girls via The CW)
4. They’re in a New Relationship
When someone gets into a relationship, there are a handful of reasons why they ghost. Sure, you don’t deserve to be cut off when you were recently in regular communication, but the good news is this one isn’t really anything personal, and you’re likely not the only one who got the ax.
The person’s new S.O. could be completely controlling and demand they cut off communication (sans explanation) with all other females (or at least you); the person you’ve been texting may be so wrapped up in the new relationship that they don’t even care about reaching out to the people they were texting before; or the person you were texting may not want to disrespect the person they’re dating, but don’t have it in them to explain to you why they don’t want to talk to you anymore.
5. You Stress Them Out
If being in communication with a certain person does more harm than good, why would someone want to remain in that predicament? If you’re really close to someone and you’re driving them nuts, they probably owe you a conversation before pulling the ol’ ghosting method. But, if they don’t have strong ties to you, and you’re constantly on their case about hanging out, who they date, why they haven’t replied to your texts quickly enough and so on and so on, it can get very weighing.
People don’t want to deal with a nagging S.O., and if you’re acting unbearable when you’re not even dating a certain person, that individual likely had enough and decided to cut the cord to destress a little bit. While it’s a harsh way of spelling it out for you, hopefully you’ll loosen up on your future communications with other people.
6. They Don’t Want to Hurt Your Feelings (Which Sounds Weird, But…)
As we mentioned at the very beginning of this post, ghosting is the easy (and selfish) way out for the person doing the ghosting. While some people ghost with intention (see reasons above), there are other cases when someone may think you’re perfectly nice, but they’re simply just not into you (as a friend or more). And instead of letting you know, they feel as though it’s kinder to end communication altogether. While it sounds cowardly, we can see it from both sides.
There are some people who want definitive answers to everything. They’d rather be told “I just don’t feel any connection between us” rather than let the silence speak volumes. Then there are others (????????), whose tender little hearts would be far more affected by knowing the truth than simply accepting that a connection with someone is no longer.
While being ghosted is hurtful, sometimes it’s actually totally excusable behavior. Click HERE for four times when it’s totally okay to ghost someone.