How to Tell If You're Bored in Your Relationship, or Just Comfortable

There comes a time in every relationship when you look over at your partner and silently wonder, are we totally boring?

Once you've been dating someone for a while, things can start to feel a little stale. Your relationship falls into a routine and the magic that sparked your romance seems to fizzle out. However, there's a huge difference between a boring relationship and a comfortable relationship.

If your relationship feels a little repetitive, it doesn't necessarily mean that it's time for a breakup. In fact, it could mean that you've hit a new level of love with your partner—one filled with less butterflies and grand gestures, and more quiet, everyday appreciation for each other. But which one is it?

Keep scrolling to find out if you're bored in your relationship or just comfortable.

Boredom Leads to Anxiety; Comfort Leads to Calmness

Boredom and comfort elicit very different feelings in a relationship. While boredom leads to general anxiety and dissatisfaction, comfort is usually accompanied by a sense of calm, if uneventful, relaxation.  If you're comfortable in your relationship, you feel at ease around your partner. In fact, their presence has an almost soothing effect on your emotions. If, on the other hand, you're feeling angsty and impatient, you're probably experiencing boredom. A boring relationship often means you're not with the right person. A comfortable relationship means you've found someone who brings a sense of peace to your life.

Betty resting her head on Jughead's shoulder as they both have a sad look on their face in Riverdale

(Riverdale via The CW)


Boredom Leads to Wanting Something New; Comfort Leads to Being Content

Not only does a boring relationship make you feel anxious and nervous, it also comes with a general feeling that you're missing out. You can't help but wonder what life would be like if you were single, and you often find yourself checking out other potential partners and wishing you were back in the dating scene. When you're in a comfortable relationship, you don't want to be with anyone other than your partner. Sure, it's not always the most exciting romance, but you wouldn't trade it for anything. If you find that you're generally happy with your person, even without constant excitement, your relationship has probably reached a new phase of comfortability.


Boredom Leads to Secrets; Comfort Leads to Openness

If you're feeling bored in a relationship, your desire to be totally upfront with your partner will slowly start to disappear. You won't feel as attached to your person, and your desire to tell them everything you're thinking and feeling will slowly wane. Eventually, you'll find yourself keeping secrets from your partner, which will erode the trust in your relationship. If your relationship is comfortable, however, openness will come naturally. You feel relaxed and safe with your partner, so you obviously tell them everything that's going on in your life. Instead of building a wall between the two of you, comfort bridges the gap between your feelings and those of your partner. If you find that you and your partner share pretty much everything, your relationship is probably a pretty comfortable one.

The Last Song - Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth driving in a car laughing together

(The Last Song via Touchstone Pictures)


Being Bored Leads to Indifference; Being Comfortable Leads to Excitement

Both boring relationships and comfortable relationships experience ebbs and flows. While your romance might be exciting and full of passion one week, the next week may be a little tedious and uneventful. The difference lies in how you feel about it. In a boring relationship, you don't feel like there's anything to look forward to. Your relationship feels monotonous and dull, and you feel fairly indifferent about where it may end up. In fact, if you and your partner broke up tomorrow, you can't say you'd be all that upset. In a comfortable relationship, however, you'll be excited about the future. Even if things aren't the most thrilling right now, you don't want the relationship to end because you know that there's a fun life ahead of you and your partner. If thinking about the future makes you happy instead of gloomy, your relationship is probably totally comfortable.


Boredom Makes You Feel Trapped; Comfort Makes You Feel Safe

Relationships require time, commitment and a whole lot of work. While you may find yourself frustrated with the effort it takes to maintain your partnership at times, you'll feel very differently in a comfortable relationship than you will in a boring one. A boring relationship makes you feel trapped. You'll feel like you're stuck in an endless loop that leads nowhere. A comfortable relationship makes you feel safe. You know that you're putting effort into something that makes you feel good, so you don't mind all the work it takes. If you feel secure and settled in your romance, it's likely comfortable rather than boring.

Stranger Things Season 3 - Jonathan and Nancy

(Stranger Things via Netflix)


Boredom Means You Want to Change Things; Comfort Means You're Fulfilled

While boredom and comfort make you feel differently about your relationship, they also spark different actions. In a boring relationship, you'll always be looking to change things about your romance. From the activities you do together to the conversations you have, nothing will feel good enough to fix the frustration you've been feeling. In a comfortable relationship, you won't necessarily need to change things. Your romance might not be thrilling 24/7, but you're generally happy with the way things are.  If you're looking to change fundamental things about your romance, you can basically guarantee that you're bored of your partner.


Looking for more dating advice? Click HERE for 10 common issues in a relationship that aren't worth a breakup.