7 Signs You're Someone's Second Option

In the complicated world of dating, you can never be too sure about where you stand with your crush.

Maybe they don't like you at all, or maybe they wholeheartedly reciprocate your feelings—it can be really hard to tell. Even worse, however, than a crush who doesn't like you back is the crush who keeps you on the back-burner while they wait to see if things work out with someone else.

If you have an inkling you're not the first priority, keep scrolling for seven signs you're someone's second option.

They're a Bad Texter

When you're someone's second choice, they'll give you just enough attention to keep you interested and hopeful, without committing too much to the relationship. If you're in that position, your texting with your crush will be a huge sign.

Does your crush text you first, only to send one or two messages before they stop replying? Do they post on social media without texting you back? Do they only text you when they need something? These and more bad texting habits all signal that you're not your crush's priority. While you may excuse their behavior by chalking it up to a lack of texting etiquette, it's more likely that they're just keeping you on the hook in case things don't work out with someone else.

to all the boys i've loved before: lara jean laying on the ground texting

(To All the Boys I've Loved Before via Netflix)


Your Plans Are Always Last Minute

As indicated by their texting communication, a crush who's keeping you as a second option will only reach out when they don't have anything better going on. That being the case, your plans with your crush will always be last minute. If you try to schedule some activity ahead of time, your crush will likely mumble some excuse about not knowing what they're doing that day. Then, you'll receive a late afternoon text asking you to hang out that night, forcing you to jump in the shower and get ready quickly so you don't miss the opportunity.

A few last-minute get-togethers are nothing to worry about. But if your crush refuses to ever schedule time with you in advance, it's a pretty clear indication you're not their first priority.


They Talk About Other People

If your crush is keeping you on the back-burner, they'll do whatever they can to communicate that things between you aren't that serious. As such, they'll often bring up other people, commenting on their looks or personality and generally making it clear to you that their options are still open. Your crush likely won't do this too often—they don't want to scare you away, after all—but any talk of their attraction to other people while you're together is cause for concern. Not only does it indicate a lack of care for your feelings, it also shows that they're not completely focused on you.

Cady, Aaron and Regina after the Plastics performed "The Jingle Bell Rock" on Mean Girls

(Mean Girls via Paramount Pictures)


They Cancel Often

In general, a crush who's keeping you as a second option won't respect your time. They only care about you as far as what you can provide for them, so hurting your feelings or making you mad won't mean that much. You'll be ready and excited to hang out with them, only for them to cancel at the very moment the two of you were supposed to meet up. Sadly, this will happen often and without much of an apology. It's likely something else came up that caught their attention and, since you're not even their first choice, they don't have any problem canceling your plans.


They Don't Remember Anything

Plenty of people struggle to remember the little things. If you're their second option, however, your crush won't remember anything you tell them. From mundane details like your class schedule to important aspects of your life like how many siblings you have, all of it goes in one ear and out the other. You're constantly re-explaining yourself, only for them to forget what you said all over again. Sure, it could just be a consequence of a bad memory. More likely, however, your crush doesn't remember because you're not that high on their priority list.

Tall Girl - Jodie, Stig, Jack watching a movie together

(Tall Girl via Netflix)


Every New Step In Your Relationship Is a Battle

If your crush is keeping you a second option, they'll do everything in their power to keep from committing to you. Instead of taking steps forward in your relationship, they'll always try to keep things as casual as possible. If they do happen to give you more, like an introduction to friends and family or an official label, it's likely only the result of your initiative. You have to beg them to take each new step, and even then it's a huge battle to get what you want. You shouldn't have to fight so hard to move forward with someone. If you do, you're probably not the first priority.


They Make Excuses

From why they can't hang out to how they're really feeling about you, a crush who's keeping you as a second option will always have excuses. They're too busy for a relationship, they don't know you well enough to commit, they're emotionally unavailable and on and on the list goes. While some of these excuses are totally valid, all of them used together should be cause for concern. Whatever your crush may be saying, if they're constantly talking themselves out of a real relationship with you, it's because you're their second option. They'll never run out of excuses because you're not who they want to be with. It's better for both of you if you just move on.


Looking for more dating advice? Click HERE for an extensive glossary of dating terms you need to know.