It’s a fact of life: When we enter into serious relationships, we begin to become, at least subtly, more like the person we’re dating.

Whether that means a sudden interest in a sports team or an apathy for school work, we can’t help but share our personalities with each other.

But sometimes that subtle line crosses into dangerous territory. Whether we realize it or not, it can be easy to lose ourselves completely in order to present ourselves as most compatible with our S.O.

If your relationship is getting serious and you worry you may begin to lose sight of your authentic interests, continue reading for how to avoid this soul-crushing mistake:

Assert Your Own Interests

Sometimes, to no fault of their own, our S.O.s get so excited about sharing their interests with us, that they leave little to no time to learn about our preferred hobbies and activities. If you find that every hangout, every movie and every restaurant is chosen by your S.O., then there may be a problem afoot.

Don’t hesitate to assert your own interest. Even if your S.O. has started planning an evening, suggest that you take over the scheduling for once. They may not even realize that they’ve been monopolizing the agenda.


Assess Your Honest Feelings

Often we push aside these power plays, because at the end of the day, you don’t really mind hockey that much. You tell yourself it isn’t worth a fight or hurt feelings, but over time you’ll lose sight of yourself. Assess your feelings immediately and honestly. Make sure you respect your emotions enough to care about what they’re telling you. If you continually tell yourself and your S.O. “it’s fine,” you know it isn’t. Strive for more than fine. 

Rory about to jump with Logan

(Gilmore Girls via Warner Bros.)


Show Your True Colors

Sometimes at the beginning of a relationship we’re afraid to let our freak flags fly for fear that our S.O. will find us weird and dump us. But tip-toeing is no way to move through a relationship. Wave your true colors loud and proud from the get-go. If your fear is actualized and your S.O. breaks things off, well good riddance! You don’t need that negativity in your life.

If you minimize yourself over time, your friends are bound to catch on and be annoyed at the sudden personality adjustment. By getting lost in your S.O., you’re gambling with the lasting compatibility of your friendships.

Mariana at roller derby practice

(The Fosters via Freeform)


Have Some Real Talk

Let your love know how you feel. Again, it’s likely that they have no idea they’re minimizing your authentic personality. Sit down and talk to your S.O. about how you want to incorporate more of the you into the us. Communication is the key to a thriving relationship.

Callie and AJ of The Fosters

(The Fosters via Freeform)


Bring Your Friends Along

It’s never easier to be yourself than when you’re surrounded by your best friends. If you’ve lost sight of your true feelings, having them join in on the fun will instantly reinvigorate your personality. This is also a lower-stakes environment to show your true love exactly who you are.


Be Open to Interventions

If things have simply gone too far (let’s be real, you probably already know it) then your friends may be planning an intervention. Rather than being defensive or argumentative, listen to their feelings. They know you better than anyone else on the planet, so their insight is quite valuable. It’s never easy to hear about our wrongdoings, but in the end this powwow will be your saving grace.


Unfortunately, the above issue is a warning sign that your relationship isn’t meant to be. Click HERE to find out five other signs your S.O. isn’t the one.