Controversial opinion: Secret relationships are not romantic.
Popular movies and television shows (*cough cough* The Kissing Booth *cough cough*) like to pretend that hidden romances are just so mysterious and so passionate, and everyone should be looking for a love so intense that it just has to be kept a secret.
Well, we’re here to hit you with a few truth bombs about hidden love affairs. Keep scrolling to see why you should never keep your relationship a secret.
It doesn’t matter how you look at it—keeping something hidden automatically implies that you’re doing something wrong. After all, if you aren’t trying to avoid negative backlash or attempting to cover up a mistake, what other reason do you have for keeping something a secret? Whether your relationship is wrong or not, not telling anyone about it implies that there’s something that you’re not completely happy with, or something that you know the other people in your life won’t approve of. Not only is it a terrible start to a relationship, it’s simply not sustainable, as the truth always has a way of coming out.
Honesty is one of the most important must-haves in any relationship. Without honesty, you have no trust, no commitment and no reliability. Keeping your relationship a secret sets a precedent of dishonesty. True, it might not be deception between you and your partner, but it implies telling lies really isn’t that bad if the situation demands it. If you don’t expect total honesty in all things at the beginning of our relationship, what’s to stop your partner from lying to you later down the line when things might get a little stressful? By agreeing to a secret relationship, you’ve implied that lying is acceptable in certain scenarios, which could lead to a lot of deception between you and your partner down the line.
Imagine how betrayed you would feel if someone close to you suddenly confessed that they were secretly dating someone for months. You would likely feel hurt that they didn’t feel they could confide in you, nervous and wary of this new relationship and frustrated that you don’t feel like you can trust them. Well, a secret relationship is going to bring out all those emotions in the people you care about when it eventually comes to light.
Not only will you have had to deal with the stress of keeping your relationship hidden, but you’ll also have to smooth over the numerous relationships that are damaged from your deception. No relationship can stay secret forever, so is a few months of peace really worth the inevitable fall-out with people you care deeply for?
Relationships can’t exist in a bubble. Any couple that wants to build a truly lasting romance needs the support of family and friends. That’s not to say that everyone in your life has to adore your S.O., but you do need people to turn to for advice and encouragement if times get tough. Not only will keeping your romance a secret damage your relationship with people you care about, it can also ruin the future of your romance by isolating you from your support system and limiting the growth and happiness of your relationship.
You need people to bounce ideas off of, to expose you to different ways of thinking and sometimes to simply vent to. If you only rely on your S.O., all the pressure of dealing with the highs and lows of your relationship on your own will likely affect your ability to have a truly happy and long-lasting romance.
Honestly, beyond the fact that it’s simply not healthy or effective for building a lasting relationship, keeping your relationship a secret is also just plain shady. What is it about your romance that you don’t want to share with the world? If your S.O. is pushing a secret romance, is it because they’re keeping their options open and continuing to see other people?
Starting your relationship off in secret isn’t a good indication for how much you and your S.O. actually care about each other. Otherwise, wouldn’t you want to show each other off and brag about how happy you are? It’s worth questioning where this need to keep things secret is coming from, because it likely has deep-rooted indications for how healthy your romance actually is.
Looking for more romantic advice? Click HERE for six subtle changes that’ll instantly improve your long-term relationship.