Signs Your S.O. Is Undermining Your Confidence

A good relationship should bring out the best in both parties.

It's not about being each other's "better half," but making your whole self even better when you're around the other person. Unfortunately, that's not always how romantic relationships shake out—even if they once started that way. Sometimes it's hard to tell when your significant other is not only holding you back from being the best person you can be, but actively trying to undermine your confidence.

rory dean gilmore girls

(Gilmore Girls via WB)

While any bad feeling about your relationship should be carefully considered, there are a few signs to watch out for that prove your S.O. is undermining your confidence. If any of these signs sound familiar, it's probably time to say goodbye for good.

Your Interests and Opinions Aren't Valid Around Them

Few people like the exact same things as their partner, which is why compromising is so vital to relationships. Sure, it's okay if your partner hates sushi and won't enjoy dinner at your favorite Japanese spot, but if there is a long list of places, activities or even people that your S.O. completely dismisses—and makes you feel bad about liking those things in the first place—it may be time to reevaluate your relationship.

kate marc this is us season 4

(This Is Us via NBC)

 

Every Compliment Is Backhanded

Some people aren't about a ton of verbal praise, but be wary of the way your S.O. chooses to compliment you. If they flatter you in a way that seems designed to change you, rather than make you feel good, it may be a sign they're hurting your confidence. If they say things like "I'm so glad you wore your hair down today, I hate it in a ponytail" despite the fact that you're always rocking your hair Ariana Grande style, that's a red flag.

 

They Make Digs in the Name of "Joking"

Inside jokes with your partner are part of your special bond, but there's a difference between playful teasing and cruelty. If your S.O. jokes about things that should be private between the two of you in public, or points out your personal insecurities, they're taking advantage of the intimacy you two share to embarrass you.

dan serena gossip girl

(Gossip Girl via CW)

 

You're Constantly Apologizing Around Them, Even When You Shouldn't

If you find yourself somehow apologizing to them after you shared something that upset you, it may be a sign that your S.O. is gaslighting you into taking the blame for anything wrong in your relationship. These are the people who will ignore your calls for three days, then make you feel desperate and needy for pointing out that you need better communication.

They Make You Feel Stupid and Contradict You Constantly

If your significant other constantly needs to feel like the smartest person in the room, even when it'just you two, it's a sign that they are insecure about something—and are using you to make themselves feel better. If you find your partner contradicting you in public over everything, it could mean that they don't respect what you have to say—and therefore, are definitely not worth your time.

 

They Compare You to Other People All the Time

Your relationship with your significant other shouldn't be compared to anyone else's in their life. One way for a manipulative person to undermine you is to comment on the ways in which you're failing to meet expectations set by someone else, be it their ex or even a friend's partner. If your S.O. points out that so-and-so's girlfriend or boyfriend is "way more chill" than you any time you speak up about a problem, it may be a sign they're trying to shut you down by making you feel less than.

liam annie jasper 90210

(90210 via CW)

 

They Constantly Talk Badly About Your Closest Friends or Family Members

Everyone needs time to vent about even their most precious friendships and family bonds on occasion, but if your significant other casually talks badly about people you love unprompted, it could be a sign that they're hoping to drive a wedge between you and the people close to you.

 

Want to learn more about relationships? Click HERE to learn the signs of an unhealthy crush.