6 Signs Your Heart's Not in Your Relationship

In our love-obsessed society, being in a relationship seems to be a goal that we're all supposed to want to achieve.

When the focus is all about simply being in a relationship, though, the importance of the quality of that relationship can fall to the back burner—and that can lead to feeling like your heart isn't really in your relationship anymore. Even if you were all about your partner when you first started dating, it's surprisingly normal for those feelings to fade over time.

Recognizing that your heart is no longer in it anymore can be a good first step in determining whether or not it might be time to call it quits on your relationship, but how exactly are you supposed to know for sure if that's the situation you're in? Well, we have a list of a few signs you can look out for.

1. It Feels Like You're Just Going Through the Motions

Humans are creatures of habit, which means that over time you're likely to develop certain routines within your relationship. Whether it's texting "good morning" each day or having a weekly movie night on the sofa, these patterns aren't necessarily a bad thing—unless you're only participating in them because you're used to it rather than because you want to. Relationships should get more comfortable over time, but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't find joy in the mundane or regular activities that you do together.

Shutterstock: Young husband yawning getting bored listening to excited wife talking for a long time, tired boyfriend not interested in girlfriend gossiping sitting on couch at home, boring conversation concept

(via Shutterstock)


Also read about: How to Craft the Perfect Breakup Text


2. You're Annoyed at Your Partner, Even Though They Haven't Done Anything 'Wrong'

Hate is not the opposite of love—apathy is. If you're feeling apathetic (uncaring) or downright annoyed at your partner, even when they've done absolutely nothing to make you feel that way, then it may be a clear sign that your heart just isn't in the right place when it comes to the relationship anymore.


3. When You Picture Anything in Your Future, You Don't Picture Your Partner Being There, Too

Whether you're imagining your life at college or 10 years down the line, you see yourself thriving. But there's just one factor that you don't even realize isn't there: your partner. It may not be that you're fantasizing about being single or about a life without them, but if they aren't a part of your plans even just months down the line then it may be a sign that your heart isn't fully committed to maintaining things over time.

Shutterstock: Image of young beautiful joyful woman smiling while working with laptop in office

(via Shutterstock)


4. You're Quick to Choose Other Plans Over Spending Time With Them

Every healthy relationship should have boundaries when it comes to spending time away from each other (after all, no one wants to be the friend that constantly ditches their friends for their partner), but if you're constantly choosing any plans other than spending time with the person you're dating? That's evidence that you may not be as in it as you once were.


5. You Feel Like You'd Be Having More Fun Single

Similarly, instead of wishing that your partner were with you every time you're somewhere without them, you can't help but think that you'd actually be having more fun without them—at all. Being single offers the freedom of meeting someone new at every turn, not to mention the ability to just do what you want with who you want, all without needing to communicate with a partner that you're not all that excited to be speaking to in the first place. When you're with the right person, being single will feel like something you don't miss at all. But with the wrong person, it might just feel like a better alternative to your current relationship (and that is your sign that your heart isn't as in it as it used to be).

Shutterstock: Young happy African American teen guy isolated on bright colors wall background. Smiling stylish cool ethnic generation z teenager student model standing looking away at copy space for advertising.

(via Shutterstock)


Also read about: 4 Signs Your High School Relationship Won't Last Through College


6. When Something Exciting Happens, They're Not the First Person You Want to Tell

Whether you got a job offer, got accepted to your dream college or even just aced a difficult exam, who was the first person you jumped to text or call when you heard the good news? While you surely have a list of people you can't wait to tell (likely including the likes of your mom, best friend and any other ultra-close connections), if your partner isn't on that list then it may be time to rethink your relationship overall. After all, your partner should be on that list of important people that you want to tell important information to, so if they're not then it may be a sign that you're ready to move on.

Shutterstock: Young woman talking on the phone over a speaker, she's smiling and enjoying her talk with friends or boyfriend

(via Shutterstock)


If you're relating to the above, you may not be as "into" your relationship as you once were or feel like you should be—but don't worry, that's not a bad thing! It's always better to recognize that your heart is no longer in it early, as that gives you the time to determine whether you might want to work on the relationship or just call it quits and discover who you are when you're single once again. And if you need a little more help deciding if a breakup is the right move for you, just click HERE to check out our list of signs it may be time to break up.