What to Do If You Catch Your S.O. Going Through Your Phone

Some things just aren't up for negotiation, and your privacy is one of them.

While relationships indeed involve a lot of sacrifice and compromise, there are certain things that should always remain sacred to you. No, you shouldn't keep every aspect of your life a secret from your S.O., nor should you go out all weekend with your pals and think it's okay not to check in—but, when it comes to keeping things to yourself, some information shouldn't be up for grabs.

When it comes to your cell phone, for example, that's your private property; your private texts; your private numbers and photos. Regardless of the motive, your partner should never invade your personal space without your permission. Here's what to do if you catch your S.O. going through your phone.

1. Get to the Root of Their Actions

While your initial reaction should absolutely be what the heck? after you're done freaking out, find out what triggered their tacky behavior. Did your S.O. hear you've been unfaithful and suddenly freak out? Are they used to going through their ex's phone, and she didn't care? Do they have trust issues in general because of things that have happened in the past?

Once you get to the root of their disrespectful actions, you can go from there. How they react will determine your response, and how you can work with them to avoid this behavior moving forward.

Hanna and Caleb in fight

(Pretty Little Liars via Freeform)


2. Explain Why You Feel Violated

If going through people's phones (or vice versa) is something your partner is used to, they may not realize what they're doing is wrong. They may think you won't care, or feel like you guys are so comfortable in your relationship that it's only expected to be the next step.

Express to them that your phone is private, and you never gave them permission to go through it. Explain that what they did was disrespectful, and it betrayed your trust.


3. Explain Why They Have No Reason to Do It

If your S.O. heard a silly rumor about you, or they simply have a hard time trusting people in general, sit them down and explain why they have no reason for concern. If there's something they've been wanting to know for a while, give them whatever (honest) answer that will help them back off.

While you should never feel compelled to give up your phone privacy, you do want your S.O. to feel like they can come to you if something concerns them, or if they're feeling uneasy about the relationship or your actions. Perhaps being a bit more open and honest is where you'll have to compromise a bit. If you're used to holding everything in, you may need to open up a bit more to put the relationship at ease.

Jughead yelling at Betty on The CW's Riverdale

(Riverdale via The CW)


4. Express That This Behavior Won't Be Tolerated

The only way your feelings will get through to them is if you put your foot down. After explaining everything above, you must make it clear that you won't stand for this disrespect moving forward. Whether it's threatening a breakup or saying you'll never, ever trust them if it happens again, make it clear it will be in their worst interests to pull this nonsense again.


5. Maintain Your Right to Privacy

Regardless of their points or arguments, at the end of the day, your phone is your property and your business. You have every right to password-protect it and not compromise anything about it. Just because they suggest going through each other's phones doesn't mean you should give in. When it comes to your phone (or anything else, for that matter), if you feel like your privacy is being violated in any way, or boundaries are being crossed, it's a huge red flag.

Stranger Things: Nancy and Steve break up

(Stranger Things via Netflix)


Going through your phone without permission is a huge red flag in a relationship—HERE are several others.