How to Tell Your Ex You Miss Them Without Being a Cliché

When it comes to reaching out to an ex, the "I miss you" text is so predictable.

In fact, it's the focus of memes and well-deserved scorn across the internet. People cringe when they receive an "I miss you" text. Whether they want to hear from their ex or not, the cliché message is inseparably connected to ridicule. Sending the typical "I miss you" text will never go well.

But what if you do miss your ex and you want to re-establish contact? Keep scrolling for our tips on how to tell your ex you miss them without being a cliché.

Find an Excuse

The typical "I miss you" text often pops up randomly, late at night, when the person receiving the text is least expecting it. To avoid setting that well-known trap, find a valid excuse to reach out to your ex. It can be a birthday, a holiday, a family member's birthday—really, it can be any occasion that your ex holds dear. By finding a valid excuse to text your ex, you're able to reach out without immediately launching into how much you miss them. You can feel out if they're open to discussing your relationship, or if they're totally over you.

Zoey with a towel turban on her head sitting on her bed and looking at her phone in Grown-ish

(Grown-ish via Freeform)

Be Chill

You might miss your ex so much it hurts, but you can't immediately launch into how empty and sad you've been feeling. In fact, you shouldn't even start by telling your ex you miss them. If you come on so strong, you'll scare them away. Instead, start out the conversation on a less-serious note. Ask how they've been, or remind them of some good times the two of you spent together. However you choose to start your conversation, make sure you're super chill. If you can manage to keep your cool, you increase the chances that you two will actually talk. If you immediately start the conversation on an emotional note, your ex will probably roll their eyes and refuse to respond.


Don't Say You Miss Them

Here's a tip: If you're texting your ex and genuinely trying to have a conversation, they already know you miss them. Saying it again is just redundant. Instead of turning yourself into a cliché, say literally anything else except that you miss your ex. Tell them you've been thinking about them. Explain that you've been reminiscing on the good times and it's making you sad. Express your regret for how your relationship ended. All of these things get the point across to your ex without forcing you to send the dreaded "I miss you."

Pretty Little Liars: Spencer staring at her phone

(Pretty Little Liars via Freeform)

Get to the Point

Before you reach out to your ex, decide what you want out of your conversation. Do you want to meet up for a coffee and a chat? Do you want to see if they still have feelings for you? Whatever you need out of the dialogue, get to your point as quickly as possible. Instead of confessing all your feelings and putting yourself in a vulnerable and potentially embarrassing position, aim for your goal and don't get distracted. By pushing yourself towards a particular goal, you eliminate the need to have the emotional "I miss you" conversation that has more potential to be confusing and annoying for both you and your ex.


Be Guarded, But Kind

The problem with the typical "I miss you" text is that it lays all your cards out on the table before you have any idea where your ex stands. Now, they're in the power position where they can determine what happens moving forward. To keep some power for yourself, enter the conversation a bit guarded. Don't reveal all your feelings. Instead, ask your ex questions and try to feel out whether they're at all interested in reconnecting with you before you tell them just how much you've been missing them.

Being guarded, however, doesn't mean you should speak to your ex harshly or without feeling. After all, if you miss them, you want it to be a good conversation. Be sweet and kind while still keeping some of your deeper feelings to yourself until you get a better idea of how your ex is feeling.

Sierra Burgess Is a Loser: Sierra texting while leaning in bed

(Sierra Burgess Is a Loser via Netflix)

Don't Push It

If you're not getting a positive response from your ex, don't push it. Don't send them a million unanswered texts or try to force them to talk to you. If you're struggling to even get a response, you already know everything you need to know. It's okay to miss your ex, but you have to accept that they might not miss you. Begging for them to take you back turns you into the worst kind of cliché—the needy ex.


Looking for more advice on dealing with your ex? Click HERE to figure out if you should send them a birthday text after you've broken-up.