6 Things to Consider Before You Ghost Someone
We're not sure why it's such a popular way to end a relationship. Actually, we are sure—it's simple and pain-free, at least for the person doing the ghosting.
For the person being ghosted, however, it can be pretty hurtful. Truthfully, ghosting is a coward's way out that leaves the ghostee with zero closure.
Still, we're not going to tell you not to ghost someone. We get it—sometimes it feels like the only way out. But before you make the decision, consider the following things:
Your Connection to Them
First and foremost before you ghost someone, you have to think through the consequences. Some people are impossible to ghost, simply because they're a part of your everyday life. If the person you're ghosting is friends with your friends or somehow connected to your family, it's better to just have the conversation.
When you have a deeper social connection beyond just the two of you, ghosting will make everything messy fast. People will have to take sides, you'll be critiqued by your friends and family—better to save yourself the long-term drama by embracing the crisis head-on. Just have a quick conversation and explain why you don't want to see them anymore. We guarantee it will save you a lot of pain down the line.
How Often You'll See Them
Much like considering your overall connection to this person, you also need to consider how often you'll be seeing them. If you're going to be around them every single day, ghosting them will only make things awkward for a very long time. Plus, it probably won't save you from the uncomfortable conversation, anyway. If you're seeing them every day, they're bound to ask why you haven't replied to their text messages, which effectively quadruples the weirdness of the situation. If you're going to see someone fairly regularly, do not ghost them.
How Long You've Been Hanging Out
There comes a point when ghosting simply isn't appropriate anymore. If you've been seeing someone for a month and you've barely spent any in-person time together, ghost away. But if you've been dating fairly seriously for six months, ghosting is no longer even a little bit acceptable. At a certain point, you transition from being slightly rude for disappearing on someone, to being a massive jerk. Before you ghost them, really think about how long the two of you have been hanging out. If it's over three months, have a conversation with them—they deserve that much, at least.
Before you decide to painfully disappear on someone, you should at least take a moment to consider the alternatives. How hard would having a conversation really be? Could you get through it and give them the closure they need? Honestly, the answer might be no. Having the conversation might be way too awkward for you, which makes ghosting the best choice. However, you should think about other ways to go about it before you make the final decision. That way, you can rest easy in the knowledge that you made the best possible decision for yourself and your needs, instead of just jumping to ghosting because it was the easiest option.
We know it sounds so selfish, but you have to take care of yourself, too. Before you ghost someone, think about how it's going to reflect back on you. Are they someone who will tell everyone you know about your decision? Will they happily make you the bad guy to save their own image? When you ghost someone, you're automatically in the wrong, so you have to consider whether you're willing to take a hit to your name, simply to avoid a tough conversation. If you're ghosting someone who has the ability to make you look bad, you need to have the conversation. You have to look out for yourself, too, which means ending things in a way that'll protect your image.
Last, but certainly not least, you should consider the other person's feelings. We've all been ghosted once or twice, and we'll all probably be ghosted again. While it's an inevitability for everyone, that doesn't make it any less frustrating or hurtful. Think about how they might feel when you just disappear on them, without any kind of explanation. You may still decide to ghost them, but it also might encourage you to find your bravery and face a difficult conversation, if only to spare them from a little pain.
Ghosting isn't great, but it's also not the worst thing that could happen. Click HERE for our unpopular opinion on why ghosting is the best way to be dumped.