How to Deal When You're Blindsided By a Breakup

Breakups are never easy.

However, if we had to rank breakups according to painfulness, the blindsided breakup would definitely be near the top of the list.

There's nothing worse than thinking your relationship is on the road towards happily ever after, only to have your partner suddenly declare they don't want to be with you. The sudden shock can be devastating to your emotional well-being, which can severely increase the time you need to recover.

So how do you deal when you're blindsided by a breakup? Keep scrolling for our best tips.

1. Be Sad

First and foremost, you're totally allowed to be sad about your breakup. In fact, sitting in the sadness and letting yourself feel those negative emotions is essential to helping you recover. In order to move past the hurt you're feeling, you have to acknowledge that it's there, so give yourself plenty of time to cry and be upset and don't try to rush yourself out of the sadness stage.

Rachel crying in Glee

(Glee via FOX)

 

2. Don't Try to Fix It

When you're blindsided by a breakup, it's often tempting to try and fix whatever your partner thinks is wrong with the relationship. Since you didn't see any red flags or warning signs, it's natural to feel as though there's something you can do to make things better. However, that just isn't the case. If your partner chose to end the relationship, they've clearly communicated to you that they just don't care as much as you do. They didn't ask you to fix it—in fact, they didn't even give you a chance to change whatever they believed was wrong—so don't waste your energy trying to hold onto a relationship that they're clearly done with.

 

3. Don't Blame Yourself

Our above advice is harsh, but true. Your partner broke up with you because they just weren't as invested in the relationship, but that doesn't mean their feelings are your fault. It's easy to spiral into a pit of self-loathing, oftentimes convincing yourself that you're to blame for their lack of feelings. In reality, they recognized something in your relationship that just wasn't a perfect fit. It doesn't mean that you are imperfect or wrong, it just means you're wrong for them. It's not about who you are as a person—it's something in your chemistry and interactions that just doesn't feel perfect, which you can't blame yourself for.

Spencer comforting Hanna on Pretty Little Liars

(Pretty Little Liars via Freeform)

 

4. Create Some Separation

When someone you care about is ripped away from you so suddenly, it can be hard to really let them go. You'll probably still want to talk to them, and maybe even rehash all the details of your breakup over and over again. But you have to fight those urges, as they'll only cause you more pain. The best thing you can do is create some separation between you and your ex, whether that's deleting their number, blocking them on social media, avoiding them in the hallways or anything else you might need to do to give yourself space to heal. Spending time around them in the beginning will only hinder your ability to move on, so try to resist the urge to talk to them as much as you possibly can.

 

5. Be Honest With Yourself

Although your breakup may have felt like it came out of the blue, there are often many warning signs that your relationship wasn't the most stable. Usually, people ignore those signs and choose to be happy, which inevitably leads to total confusion when the relationship ends. But in the aftermath of the breakup, you need to be honest with yourself. Take a magnifying glass to your relationship and really examine if it was genuinely healthy, or if you overlooked a lot of problems in the name of being in love.

Chances are, you'll start to see areas where your relationship wasn't the best. You don't have to rip your ex apart or breed bitterness about your romance, but being truthful about the not-so-great elements of your relationship will definitely help you recover. Once you see where things went wrong, you can begin pushing yourself towards leaving your ex in the rearview, and simultaneously start building hope for a better relationship in the future. 

Grey's Anatomy: Meredith and Derek

(Grey's Anatomy via ABC)

 

6. Occupy Yourself

While it's important to give yourself time to be sad, you also can't wallow in all your negative feelings. The best way to move past your sadness and get yourself on track towards normalcy is by filling up your time with fun activities. Plan fun nights with your friends, join a club, take up a new hobby—anything you can do to keep yourself busy and distract yourself from the pain of losing someone you care about. Not only will this keep you from overthinking and dwelling on the end of your relationship, it will also allow you to work on yourself and find things you enjoy while you're free from the pressure of a romantic relationship.

 

On the hunt for more breakup advice? Click HERE for 11 quotes to remind you that your breakup isn't the end of the world.