5 Ways You're Ruining Your Relationship Without Even Realizing It

Being a great S.O. doesn't necessarily come naturally.

In fact, having a successful relationship usually requires a lot of conscious thought and effort. Even if you think you're doing everything right, your actions might be accidentally chipping away at the foundation of your relationship.

If you're worried you're not doing this whole dating thing right, keep scrolling for five subtle ways you're ruining your relationship without even realizing it.

Avoiding Arguments

Disagreements and conflicts of all kinds are bound to come up in a romantic relationship. If you're someone who avoids confrontation, it might feel like the right move to just capitulate to your partner's opinion and move on. After all, it's not that serious, right? Certainly not serious enough to upset the happy balance of your relationship.

Unfortunately, letting your partner win arguments just for the sake of avoiding a fight is the wrong move. If you simply cave to their opinions again and again, you're not addressing problems that you very obviously disagree on. In addition, you're not getting a taste of each other's conflict styles, which prohibits from figuring out if your romance is strong enough to survive an argument. Lastly, it's bound to breed a sense of bitterness and frustration in you if you feel that you're unable to express your opinion. Avoiding arguments just stores up conflicts that are bound to resurface later, likely leading to a big blow-up that will have massive consequences for your relationship.

how i met your mother: robin and barney sitting on a couch

(How I Met Your Mother via CBS)

 

Doing Everything for Your Partner

A selfless S.O. is a good S.O., right? Well, not necessarily. While it's a good thing to be attentive to and supportive of your partner's needs, taking on their responsibilities will only lead to an awkward balance of power in your relationship. The more you do for them, the less you're able to do for yourself and the more they expect you to do for them. Suddenly, putting your own responsibilities first seems like a major betrayal. In addition, taking care of someone else's every need before taking care of yourself is simply unhealthy, and will likely lead to a lot of emotional and mental stress that will inhibit your ability to be a loving, present partner.

 

Putting Plans With Your S.O. Above Everything Else

While it's important to make your partner a priority, they definitely shouldn't be your only priority. Schoolwork, family time, friends and other activities you're responsible for shouldn't be sacrificed for a night out with your S.O. Working your S.O. into your schedule is perfectly necessary, but waiting to make plans until you figure out what they're doing or, even worse, cancelling plans to hang out with them will only ostracize you from everything else in your life. Compromise is necessary, but sacrifice shouldn't be.

grey's anatomy: izzie and alex staring at each other

(Grey's Anatomy via ABC)

 

Disregarding Opportunities to Self-Reflect

Relationships are supposed to lift you up and make you a better person. Being emotionally vulnerable with someone allows you plenty of opportunities to examine your own behavior and figure out your shortcomings. Unfortunately, it's easy to get caught in a cycle of blaming your S.O. for your relationship woes, instead of looking at how your own behavior might contribute to a problem.

Even if it seems like it'so clearly their fault, chances are you've done something to contribute to the disquietude in your relationship. Neglecting to self-reflect deprives you of many opportunities to improve your own behavior and come to a better understanding of your S.O.'s needs. Not everything is their fault, and the sooner you realize that, the more prepared you'll be to improve your romance.

 

Having Unreachable Expectations

Bear with us for a moment because this one is a little tricky. You should absolutely have high standards of behavior for an S.O. in terms of how they treat both you and your relationship. Asking to be treated well is not a shortcoming, nor is it too high of an expectation for a romantic partner.

However, you also can't expect your partner to fulfill every role in your life. Relationships are one part of your world, not your entire focus. If you start making your partner fully responsible for your happiness and fulfillment, your relationship is bound to go up in flames. Not only is that way too much pressure to put on another person, it's also completely impossible for one human being to be everything you need.

 

Looking for more dating advice? Click HERE For nine questions you should always ask yourself before getting into a new relationship.