5 Ways You Might Change After a Breakup

Going through a breakup is pretty much inevitable.

Unfortunately, common as they are, they can still have a lasting impact. Not only on you as a person, but also on the way you view and approach relationships.

Breakups are something to learn from, even if some of the changes don't look very positive on the surface.

If you want to be prepared for the aftermath of your first split, keep scrolling for five ways you might change after a breakup.

You're Less Trusting

Even though breakups are a normal part of being in a relationship, they can feel awfully similar to a betrayal. Even if your relationship ended for normal, completely sensical reasons, it still feels like a breach of trust for someone to turn their back on you when they've been such a big part of your life. It only makes sense that you might become a little less trusting in the aftermath of a split.

On the surface, developing trust issues is obviously frustrating. You don't want to be barred from putting your faith in new people because of something that happened in the past. However, developing a higher standard for trust can actually make you more discerning about who you let into your life. Not everyone deserves to be part of your inner circle. When you become more careful about who you decide to trust, you can save yourself a lot of unneeded pain.

gilmore girls - rory and jess

(Gilmore Girls via The CW)

 

You Cultivate Independence

Hard as they are, breakups are one of the best times to pursue your own independence. In truth, you don't really have another choice. You can lean on friends and family for support, but the hard work of picking yourself up following a split is totally up to you.

Once you recover from the worst part of your breakup, you'll emerge with a new understanding of just how much strength and power you have. Not only that, you'll have more time on your hands to pursue hobbies you love and discover what truly makes you happy. Breakups might initially make you afraid of being alone, but they're one of the best ways to learn about yourself and discover just how important independence really is.

 

You Find New Boundaries

Each relationship teaches you something new about what you need from another person. For example, in your first romance you might think it's totally normal to go through your S.O.'s phone. During the breakup, however, you're able to see how that was a violation of your S.O.'s privacy that marred the trust in your romance.

When you're going through a breakup, you have a unique opportunity to reflect on your romance. Whatever conclusions you come to, you'll probably have new boundaries that you deem essential to your future relationships. It's hard to know what you need until you have an experience that reveals it to you. Breakups are hard, but they can definitely reveal important qualities you need in a relationship that will contribute to your success in the future.

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend: Rebecca looking over Josh's shoulder at his phone

(Crazy Ex-Girlfriend via The CW)

 

You Question Yourself

Perhaps one of the most difficult things to develop from a tough breakup—you might start to question your own decisions. After all, you thought you could rely on this person to always be there for you. If you were wrong about that, what else could you be wrong about?

There's a positive and a negative to this line of thinking. On one side, questioning yourself might not be that bad. Far too often, people dive in headfirst to disastrous situations based on their emotional responses. Emotions alone aren't wholly reliable—you have to use your sense of reason, as well. On the other hand, you can't completely give into your worries about trusting yourself. It's okay to look at your decisions critically, but eventually you have to make the decision that you feel most at peace with. If things don't work out, you'll learn from it. But there's nothing to gain from convincing yourself that you can't be trusted.

 

You're More Empathetic

Bad as it may sound, it's really hard to understand someone else's suffering until you've been through some kind of pain of your own. Of course, no one wants to go through a breakup, but it can make you more sympathetic to the feelings of those around you. You'll be better equipped to encourage your friends through their own relationship troubles, and you'll find that you're much more patient in allowing other people to lean on you.

Not only that, you'll also be more careful with the people you date in the future. You know what it's like to be hurt, so you'll likely do your best to avoid causing other people pain. That doesn't mean you'll always be successful, but you won't play with people's feelings or cause unnecessary hurt. Why would you? You know what it's like to go through that kind of pain and you don't want to be the cause of it.

Betty crying while breaking up with Jughead on Riverdale

(Riverdale via The CW)

 

Looking for more advice on relationships? Click HERE for six things you should discuss with someone before you start dating them.