What to Do When You're Blindsided by a Best Friend's Betrayal
If there's anything we've learned from the Kardashians (aside from beauty tips galore), it's that you shouldn't put a possible betrayal past anyone.
The world collectively gasped when news broke that Kylie Jenner's BFF, Jordyn Woods, allegedly hooked up with Khloé Kardashian's then-boyfriend, Tristan Thompson. Leading up to the major misstep, Jordyn was considered family to the entire Kardashian clan, even collaborating on a much-hyped Kylie Lip Kit and joining the gang on their extravagant vacations. Heck, Kylie even bought her BFF a car.
Despite the generosity and what appeared to be an ironclad connection, Jordyn did the unthinkable, proving to Khloé, Kylie and their crew that anything's possible when it comes to friendship.
(via @kyliejenner Instagram)
While the Tristan-Jordyn-Khloé debacle made national news, we're 100% sure the Kardashians aren't the only people who've been unexpectedly stabbed in the back. Here's what to do if you've been blindsided by a BFF's betrayal:
1. Take a Step Back to Assess the Situation
When we hear jaw-dropping "news," our first instinct is to verbally attack the assumed perpetrator, or trash-talk them to anyone who'll listen. And while sometimes that's just what you've gotta do, at least have your facts straight before diving into dark territory. While your hotheadedness can sometimes prevent you from thinking and acting clearly, force yourself to take a few breaths and gather the information necessary before you do anything you may regret.
2. Go Straight to the Source and Demand an Explanation
If indeed you have enough info to back-up any claims about your so-called bestie, it's your right to know exactly what went down, and what on earth was going on in their head when they made the decision to do something shady. While you may not even want to look at them, you owe it to yourself to get the full story so you can better process what happened. This is not for them to offer a mea culpa or for you to forgive and forget—it's to put them on the spot, make them own up to what they've done and regret ever crossing you.
3. Make Your Friend Understand the Repercussions of Their Actions
Much like in Jordyn's case, there's a pretty good chance your friend is feeling pret-ty bad right now. They're probably filled with regret. Unless they're a truly evil human (I mean, those people do exist), they acted on a whim and didn't consider the long-term effects of their actions.
You have every right to map out the destructivity of their decision-making. They obviously lost your trust, possibly ruined your relationship altogether, and may have even messed with other people's lives in the process. Hurling petty insults their way won't get you anywhere, but letting them know just how much they destroyed something special will truly get them where it hurts.
4. Don't Get Revenge
While one of your first instincts may be to infest your former friend's bedroom with rats and cockroaches, hold off. Your feeding into the drama will just make things worse. Honestly, the best revenge is indifference. Say your piece and go on with your life. By not engaging with them (for better or worse), you're sending a message, loud and clear, that they're not worth your time. By not giving into the drama, you're not wasting your energy on something that could be much more productive (seriously!).
5. Remind Yourself That Their Betrayal Stems From Their Own Issues
It's a straight-up fact that shady behavior stems from self-doubt. In the case of Jordyn, for example, she was always known as "Kylie's BFF," so when she started gaining male attention on her own, she was reportedly "on a little bit of a high" because "she was insecure."
When a person feels inferior to others, they do things to build themselves up, sometimes acting out—even at the costs of others. While what they did was entirely inexcusable, it actually has little to do with you. They're likely a bit jealous of you or simply unsure about themselves. Sadly, however, you get left with their mess.
6. Consider Whether or Not Their Actions Are Forgivable
After all is said and done, it's time to weigh the pros and cons of maintaining a relationship with this person. In the grand scheme of things, will their actions affect you long-term? Do you harbor very deep resentment towards this person, a feeling that you don't see lessening over time? Or, have you heard their side and are willing to look past the drama?
There's nothing anyone can tell you here, as it's a case-by-case situation—and it's your situation, so it really comes down to how you feel and want to react. Don't let the opinions of others influence your decision. You've already been hurt once, so it's up to you, and whether or not you're willing to risk it happening again.
7. Keep Your Distance for a While (or Permanently)
Whether or not you plan to completely 86 this person from your life, keep them around as an occasional acquaintance or dive back into your friendship full-force, taking some space immediately is necessary.
Even if you know you'll get over it, your mind and body can't fully process everything if you're still spending time with your friend fresh after the incident. By not fully processing what went down, you won't be able to fully let it go, which, in turn, leads to you feeling resentment towards this person, which will result in you never feeling truly okay in their presence.
Also, space is important anyway—regardless of where you stand with someone. Taking breaks from anyone allows you to come back together feeling recharged and excited after the time apart. It also gives you time to focus on other people (namely yourself) and take on new activities.
Have you done something you regret? HERE's how to properly apologize when you know you're in the wrong.