Why a New Relationship Won't Suddenly Fix All Your Problems
Have you ever daydreamed about how being half of the perfect couple would suddenly make all of your troubles melt away?
It's a nice idea, but that's not really how life works. While the movies might tell us that the second we enter a relationship we'll be happier, more fulfilled and worry-free, the reality isn't quite so simple.
Here are all the reasons a new relationship won't suddenly fix all your problems.
A Relationship Doesn't Make Problems Smaller
Getting totally enveloped in a relationship might seem to solve your problems, at first, but that's only because it's acting as a big distraction. Unfortunately, it won't be too long before you discover that it only causes you not to address your issues head-on, and at the end of the day, they'll still be there. Avoidance only means that, once the honeymoon period wears off, you'll be back to square one with whatever is troubling you.
If you're struggling with academics or issues with your family, for example, your S.O. won't suddenly make you a star student, or know how to talk things through with a parent. If you have difficulty seeing your own self-worth, being in a relationship might make you feel more worthy of love, but once you get used to that affection and attention, you'll still have to work on loving yourself to feel truly deserving. Being in a relationship won't change who you are deep down unless you work on it, and that means putting in the effort, and getting past your obstacles instead of pretending they're not there.
It Gives You Less Time for You
Some problems in your life will require your undivided attention, and when you're in a dedicated relationship, that simply isn't possible. That means less time to focus on getting to your own solutions. In fact, you might think this person has the capacity to resolve your problems, when actually, being in a relationship with someone means adding their challenges on top of yours—plus the introduction of a new unique issues that exist only between the two of you. If you're ready for that, it can be an incredible thing to work with someone on your own healing, and in turn, to help them, allowing you both to grow and work on things together, in time. But if you're not in a place to take on someone else's baggage, it's likely to make your difficulties even tougher.
The Unrealistic Expectation Will Weigh Down the Relationship
A relationship isn't a magic wand, and thinking it is will do nothing to make your life better. When you expect a relationship to fix everything, the pressure you place on it is likely to strain it to the breaking point. That's simply not what a relationship is for. The loftier the expectations, the more you'll begin to feel like the relationship is failing, even if it's going great otherwise. Any little thing that feels like it's testing your relationship or makes you feel dissatisfied will make you feel like it's not doing its job.
Remember that a supportive relationship can help when things are tough, but no one will be capable of making all of your pain and hurt go away—and you shouldn't expect them to. That's not fair to them or you, and you'll be more content if you can set appropriate expectations. It's also important to remember that your relationship isn't your purpose, so don't treat it like the only important thing in your life. A relationship doesn't complete you.
Support Doesn't Mean Solutions
In the very best of cases, both you and your partner will be open with each other about the things you struggle with and be there to support each other with love and care. The right help can work wonders for your troubles and the way you relate to each other. That doesn't mean it's going to work all the way, 100% of the time. Sometimes, a person won't have a solution or know how to help, and they won't always have the energy or enthusiasm to help you confront things when they have their own lives to deal with. Even if they step up to the plate with everything they've got, it doesn't mean your issue will be resolved. If that doesn't sound fair, step into their shoes. Can you make all their problems magically disappear? We didn't think so.
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