How to Avoid Comparing Yourself to Close Friends

It's no secret that we all carry some envy for our closest friends. How could you not when they are the smartest, funniest and most beautiful goddesses around?

But sometimes these little points of envy can turn bitter, leading up to a constant state of comparison between you and your besties. Trust me, with a best friend who seems practically perfect in every way, I've battled with this waging war inside for years.

Scroll below to get some tips on avoiding these comparisons before the envy spoils your relationship like a poison apple:

Repeat the Mantra: Her Success Is Not Your Failure

It may sound cliche, but repeating this phrase to yourself daily will help the message sink in, and before long you'll be able to feel the truth that you already believe. So your friend gets a better grade than you even though you studied harder, or your friend gets an S.O. when your crush isn't returning the love, or your friend receives scholarships, accolades, or even appreciation that you don't receive. Ask yourself, so what? Just because she got something this time doesn't mean that you won't get something down the road—tomorrow even. Remember that her success is simply her success and it doesn't reflect negatively on you.

 

Take Stock of What You Have

It's so easy to compare yourself to others by noticing what they have and you don't. But the truth is that we all have something that somebody else wants, whether it's a fashion sense, personality trait or physical attribute. Yes, you're so jealous of her gorgeous locks, but take a moment to recognize the flawless skin you never need to fuss over. This is the glass-half-full approach. Rather than agonizing over the empty space, take notice of everything you have below the surface.

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Fake It Until You Make It

Even if the smile you're wearing is a mask, congratulate your friends on their accomplishments, tell them how fab they look and high-five them for their growth. Eventually these pats on the back won't feel strained or drenched in jealousy. You will begin to realize that congratulating your friends feels pretty darn good; way better than harboring internal envy.

 

Take a Page From Your Friends

Well, if you're realizing over and over again certain envious attributes, why don't you try to chase those characteristics? Take this as a learning moment to start becoming the person you obviously want to be. If you admire your friend's outgoing personality, take steps towards being more extroverted. If you adore a friend's hairstyle, get a cut and try a new look. It's as simple as that.

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Recap the Things You're Grateful For

This is something that I personally do a couple times a month and it's a nice little refresher on gratitude. Before bed (though you can do this at any point in the day) I use the date as my number and say that number of things I'm thankful to have. For example, if it were August 18th I would say 18 things. Pro-tip: I usually do this activity around the middle of the month so that I don't end the list at two or rattle on forever until 31. You may realize during this exercise that some of the great things you have are different (but not less than or greater than) the things your friends have.

 

Practice Shameless Self-Love

It sounds ridiculous but I found a new sense of self-love when I began taking random selfies on the daily. I rarely post them to social media (save for the occasional Insta Story) but I like to look at them and just really feel myself. Through the selfies and the small present to myself every blue moon (ahem, I may or may not be a compulsive online shopper) I've really began to appreciate myself and, perhaps, view myself the way I view my best friends. Why not? After all, no amount of wishing will make you magically become the friends you envy, so practice loving yourself unapologetically.

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Minimize the Self-Deprecating Comments

If there's one thing that I have in common with the Brits, it's love for some good ol' fashion self-deprecating humor. My entire body gets cringey when I share an accomplishment or feel like I'm humble-bragging about something, so usually this insecurity rears its head through self-deprecating comments. "Hey guys, check out my article that I tricked someone into paying me to write." No. Stop, take a breath, and reword that statement. "Hey guys, really proud to officially call myself a professional writer!" You may even find that others respond to this authenticity and show you some love. I'm not saying you should never exercise this form of comedy, but know the time and place. Used too often and you'll just feel bad about yourself, causing you to compare even more than ever.

 

Let It Go, Let It Go

I'd be lying if I said that my friend's popularity on social media didn't irk me to the point of jealousy. But what I do when this happens is I let myself feel the sting, and then let it go. I tell myself that in the grand scheme of life, this little detail is trivial. Feel the emotions you have, because it's never good to bottle them up, and then let them all go like leaves blowing away in the breeze. You'll feel better once you release the tension.

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