Your first relationship is guaranteed to be riddled with mistakes.
It makes sense—you’ve never dated anyone before, so you have no idea what you’re doing. Mistakes are just part of the territory. They’re meant to be made, processed and learned from so you can do better down the line.
If you’re worried you’re totally screwing up your romance, allow us to ease your fears. Keep scrolling for seven common mistakes you’ll probably make in your first relationship.
When you first attach yourself to another human being, it’s tempting to believe that you’re now a team who shares absolutely everything with one another. Privacy is a thing that applies to other people, but certainly not your relationship. Given this line of thinking, you may believe you have a right to go through your S.O.’s phone. After all, you’re supposed to confide everything in one another. If they refuse your request or get angry at your actions, it must mean they’re hiding something.
Unfortunately, that just isn’t true. Privacy is still a right in a relationship, and you have to let your S.O. determine just how much they want to share. You’re not entitled to all their personal information just because you’re dating, and they’re not entitled to yours, either. The more dating experience you have, the clearer that concept will become.
Even for experienced daters, it’s honestly really difficult to find the balance between social time and couple time in a relationship. If you’re totally head-over-heels for your first S.O., you’ll probably find that you’re more than willing to ditch friends for a little extra time with them. It’s not the worst thing in the world, but it will definitely have reverberating impacts on your relationships.
Spending time with your S.O. is important, but creating time for your friendships to thrive is equally as crucial. When you haven’t experienced the impacts of ditching your friends, you can shrug off any nagging fears about their reaction in favor of spending time with someone you care about. Honestly, you’ll probably make this mistake a few times before you fully realize just how detrimental it can be.
Communication is truly a learned skill, especially in romantic relationships. It ain’t easy to be totally upfront about your feelings—some people never really learn to do it. We can pretty much guarantee that there will be a lot of holding in how you feel in your first relationship. When you haven’t learned the importance of good communication, you understandably don’t want to make waves by bringing up topics that could potentially turn into fights.
Unfortunately, holding in your feelings isn’t good for anyone. It breeds resentment and bitterness, all of which are bound to come out eventually. However, this is all a “learn by doing” sort of thing. As you gain experiences in your romantic life, you’ll become increasingly comfortable making your feelings known. Before that happens, however, your first relationship will probably take the brunt of your bad communication style.
Yes, yes, it’s the truth—you’re bound to be a little shallow in your younger relationships. We all have the superficial bone within us—the one that cares more about appearance, status, wealth or any other external factors, rather than focusing on who the person really is. Until you’ve kissed a few frogs, it’s hard to understand just how important it is to look at someone’s heart instead of their exterior.
It’s okay to be a little shallow in your first relationship. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, it just means you’re figuring things out. Just remember that all those materialistic things you adore don’t make for a happy relationship. At the end of the day, who someone is at their core will be the only determinant of just how long your relationship lasts.
In your very first relationship, it’s hard to understand that conflict is just part of the territory. No matter how major or minor the fight might be, you’ve never had to deal with arguing with another person like that. You’ll probably assume each disagreement means that you’re headed for a breakup. It might even be the way that you choose to end your fights—with a dramatic “well let’s just breakup then!”
Conflict is always a little nerve-racking, but arguing with your partner doesn’t mean that you’re preparing for a split. In fact, fights are pretty much a given in any romance. However, it’s hard to embrace that idea until you’ve experienced it a few times. Even if you can’t make yourself believe it yet, try to keep in mind that fights aren’t synonymous with the end of the relationship.
While you might assume that each conflict means your relationship is headed for a breakup, that doesn’t mean you’ll actually know when to end your first romance. It’s a classic issue—you’ve never been through a breakup before, how do you know when the relationship has run its course?
Dragging out your first romance is a common issue. Whether you don’t know how to end it or you just want to avoid the pain of a split, it’s likely your first relationship will last much longer than it ideally should have. It’s not a big deal. Just try to keep in mind that it’s always better to be alone over participating in a relationship that doesn’t make you happy.
Once you get that first rush of a romantic relationship, it’s hard to believe that things could ever come to an end. You’re not familiar with caring for someone on this level, so that must mean you’re destined to be together forever, right?
Unless you’re part of a very small percentage of lucky individuals, your first relationship will probably come to an end. It’s a natural part of the dating cycle, and it’s definitely going to suck. However, just because it doesn’t last forever doesn’t mean it’s not meaningful. You felt very strongly for someone, but they weren’t the be-all end-all. The good news is, you’ll definitely feel that way again, probably even more intensely than you felt for your first S.O.
On the hunt for more dating advice? Click HERE for five frustrating things you might experience three months into your relationship.