The Right Way to Break Up With Someone

It's no secret that relationships have their ups and downs.

A relationship can't survive without a few arguments here and there, but if you've come to the conclusion that the lows of your romance are outweighing the highs, it's probably time to call it quits with your S.O.

Nancy and Steve in the Bathroom

(Stranger Things via Netflix)

While breakups are unquestionably difficult for the dumpee, they can be just as painful for the dumper. Exactly how are you supposed to effectively and kindly communicate that you're just not feeling it anymore?

If you're looking to exit your relationship in favor of some time in the single lane, keep scrolling for a few tips on the best ways to break-up with someone.

Do It in Person

It's been said time and time again, but it really is true: it's always better to break-up with someone face-to-face. An in-person split communicates to your ex-partner that you value their feelings enough to sit down and have a difficult conversation. In addition, face-to-face breakups allow you both to participate in the conversation and fully explain any frustrations you might have. When you break-up with a text or phone call, you run the risk that they will refuse to respond, which may rob both of you of a full sense of closure.

Serena and Nate from Gossip Girl

(Gossip Girl via The CW)

 

Do It Privately

It may be tempting to choose a semi-public setting for your breakup, as it gives you an easy escape from the situation if your partner doesn't handle the news well. In the end, however, breaking-up in public will only add an extra level of humiliation to the pain your partner already feels. It's better to choose a private setting at a time when you're sure you won't be interrupted in order to finish the conversation and spare as much of their pride as you possibly can.

 

Don't Resort to Cliches

When dealing with a difficult breakup, you might naturally veer towards one of the millions of cliches that we've all heard one too many times. However, tossing an "It's not you, it's me" into the conversation fails to get to the heart of the issue, and will only leave your partner feeling frustrated and confused. Instead, try your best to use specifics to explain where the relationship went downhill and why you feel it's best to end it now. Avoiding overused cliches allows your partner to fully understand where things went wrong, which will be helpful as they try to process and recover from the split.

Betty and Jughead From Riverdale

(Riverdale via The CW)

 

Use "I" Statements

With all the emotions that are present in every dating relationship, it's hard not to feel personally offended by a breakup. One way to ease this tension is to focus on using "I" statements during your breakup speech. Even if you feel like everything was completely their fault, attacking your partner's every flaw won't get you anywhere. Instead, focus on why this breakup is the best thing for you, and let someone else deal with their shortcomings.

 

Answer Their Questions Honestly

While it's best to keep your breakup speech short, sweet and to the point, it's likely your partner will have questions. Again, there's no reason to attack or berate your partner, but it's best to answer their questions honestly. Asking questions implies that they truly care about you and want to develop a deeper understanding of where things went wrong. Supplying answers that are honest (while still kind) will help them reach a sense of closure sooner, instead of  stumbling around, wondering where things went wrong. In addition, focusing on answering questions, rather than detailing your many reasons for ending things allows your partner to decide just how much information they even want about this.

Elena and Stefan From the Vampire Diaries

(Vampire Diaries via The CW)

 

Be Patient

When initiating a breakup, it's very likely that your partner will get upset and angry. In some cases, they may even react by throwing mean and hurtful comments your way. The best thing you can do during this is stay calm and patient, no matter your partner's reaction. Responding negatively to any inflammatory statements they might make will ruin the possibility of ending on amicable terms. Instead, try to understand that they are shocked and hurting, and try to cut them a little slack.

 

Know When to Walk Away

Perhaps the most difficult part of a breakup is knowing when to walk away from the conversation. When your partner is hurt and sad, they will likely make it more difficult for you to leave by finding new things to discuss. While you should definitely remain patient, you can also remove yourself from a conversation that is no longer productive. If you feel you've communicated everything you need to say, if your partner is too hurt to participate in a healthy discussion, or if you feel you're just talking in circles, it is absolutely okay to remove yourself from the conversation. Breakups are hard, but you don't need to torture yourself by staying in a situation that's making you uncomfortable.

 

If you're not quite sure if it's time for a breakup, check out THESE signs that you've fallen out of love with your S.O.