What Does It Mean to Be Empathetic? Here’s How to Be More Empathetic Every Day
Deep down, most people want to be seen and understood by the ones close to them. We crave support and connection, and to be able to keep close relationships with the people in our lives, and all of these ideas are rooted in empathy.
Empathy isn't pity or compassion, like many people seem to think, but instead the ability to really understand what someone else is going through, and to essentially feel what they feel. It's about showing you care by really listening and being there for someone when they need it in a way that creates an authentic connection and makes everyone involved feel less alone. While some people might seem to innately be more empathetic, that doesn't mean you can't be if these things don't come easily to you. Instead you can work on building these skills over time, beginning with the following.
Set Out to Be More Empathetic
The first, and possibly most important, step in this journey is simply deciding you want to be more empathetic and setting out to do something about it. From there, it's all about awareness. During your interactions, really pay attention to what's going on around you. How do people you consider to be thoughtful and empathetic show the way they care for others? How can you incorporate those ideals into your own conversations? Notice whether the people around you are feel heard and supported, or ignored and frustrated, and note whether or not you feel empathetic in your interactions so you can make adjustments over time.
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Immerse Yourself Fully in Each Conversation
The next step is to make sure that when you're engaging in a conversation with someone that you're fully immersed and your attention isn't divided. Put away your phone, block out other distractions and then really listen. Let the other person talk until you feel you grasp the entire situation, as well as how the other person is feeling about it. Instead of thinking about how you might respond to everything, give them space to open up. Do what you can to really care about what's going on, and why it matters so much to the person involved. Also keep an eye on how they present the story with their voice and body language cues. Do they seem like there's possibly more to the story that they're hiding, or that they're trying to act cool about a situation but it's really upset them? Then, find out whether they want advice on things or just want to vent and be heard. From there, you can react appropriately.
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Keep an Open Mind
People live in their own heads every day, and it can be challenging for them to start thinking in new ways and considering perspectives outside of their own. That's why it's so important to stay open and really listen to other people. In addition to soaking up what people share with you during your empathy practices, try reading books and watching movies—particularly ones from storytellers whose experiences are completely different from your own. Familiarize yourself with fresh points of few, and then try putting yourself in different people's shoes. Think about what you would do if you were in their circumstances. Then, look at how the person actually responded in that situation, and why their behavior might have different from yours. Noticing these differences and understanding why people act the way they do will also help you build on your empathy.
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Don't Assume You Know Everything
We all have our own prejudices and biases, which can color the way we perceive different situations. It can be challenging, especially at first, but when it comes to being truly empathetic with someone, you'll want to leave those preconceived notions at the door and instead focus entirely on the narrative being presented to you. Focus on the other person's perception of their story and let it guide you. Notice when you might be judging something without the full picture, or making assumptions that might not be true, and when it makes sense, ask some clarifying questions to help you see what's going on as the other person sees it. Feel what they feel along with them, and keep unnecessary judgment to yourself.
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Be Curious
Being genuinely curious will make it so much easier to develop sincere empathy with someone. Listen attentively and gently ask questions that will help you better understand the situation, while avoiding any that might be judgmental or inflammatory. Just try to be thoughtful and do what you can to better emerge yourself into their point of view and how they're feeling about things. Repeat what you've heard, when necessary, and don't be afraid to ask the person if they feel like you're on the same page. They might be able to tell you how you can reframe your thinking to really get them.
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Take the First Step
A lot of the time, practicing empathy is less about being open and thoughtful in the conversations you were already going to have, and more about letting new people into your life who deserve to be understood. If you're afraid of talking to new people, conquer that fear. Work on opening up conversations with others, beyond the typical small talk, and really getting to know them. Making new friends is one of the most empathetic gestures there is, creating opportunities to find common ground with others share the types of conversations that really matter.
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