6 Things You Should NEVER Say in an Argument With Your S.O.
If you're in a relationship, arguing with your S.O. is bound to happen.
You just can't get along with someone all the time, so instead of trying to avoid arguments, you should channel your energy into fighting fairly and effectively. Aka, you should work on having arguments that actually move towards a solution, rather than just mindlessly yell your opinions at each other.
And if you're going to have an effective fight, there are certain things you should never say. Keep scrolling for phrases you should definitely steer clear of in any argument with your S.O.
1. 'Calm down.'
It's become a sort of running joke, but in all seriousness you should not tell your S.O. to calm down if they're angry at you. This phrase serves the dual purpose of invalidating their emotions and communicating that they're being irrational. It's only going to make them angrier, which will push you further and further away from a solution. Think about how frustrated you would be if your S.O. tried to tell you to calm down and spare them that same annoyance by avoiding this phrase all together.
(Pretty Little Liars via Freeform)
2. 'Well maybe we should just break up!'
We understand why this phrase comes up so much. Emotions are running high during a fight and you want to do everything you can to hurt the other person, but that's exactly why you should never threaten a breakup during an argument. There's actually a term for this—it's called holding the relationship hostage. If you threaten the commitment of your entire relationship every time your S.O. upsets you, you're creating a space where they're too afraid to bring up things that are bothering them. Not only does that create an emotional separation between the two of you, it also will breed bitterness and anger in your S.O., which will likely result in a breakup anyway.
If you're going to have an effective relationship, you have to be able to argue with your S.O. without turning every bump in the road into a reason to breakup. If a breakup is truly on your mind, think about it more and bring it back up when you're feeling calm and collected, rather than pulling it out as a weapon to scare your S.O. into letting you win the fight.
3. 'I hate you.'
Ugh, there's no way to deny the hurtfulness of this phrase. That's exactly why it's said—because you're upset and you want to hurt your S.O. But beyond just being mean-spirited and painful to hear, it's also entirely unproductive. There's nothing practical or useful in this phrase that can lead you towards a solution to your fight. In fact, it will likely only push you further away from actually coming to an agreement and ending the madness of your argument altogether. Nothing good can come from saying this, so just don't.
(Gossip Girl via The CW)
4. 'It's fine.'
Another phrase that has become a bit of a joke, but definitely holds a kernel of truth. Don't say you're fine if you're not. You might think you're finding a way to end the argument and that you'll be able to let it go eventually, but you're actually just being passive aggressive and cutting off communication with your partner. They know you're mad, you know you're mad, so find a way to talk about it and air out your feelings. Talking it through is the only way you'll reach a solution, so passively aggressively telling them to just forget about it will only leave you and your partner frustrated and much farther from a solution than you were at the beginning of the conversation.
5. 'You're overreacting.'
Much like telling your S.O. to calm down, this phrase moves you farther away from finding a solution. You might think your partner is overreacting, but they obviously don't. And if they're upset, the best thing you can do is listen to them and try to understand their point of view. Telling them that they're overreacting not only invalidates their feelings, it also communicates to them that you're not open to their opinion. Half of being in a partnership involves doing your best to make your partner feel seen and heard, and this phrase eliminates that possibility.
(Riverdale via The CW)
6. 'You always' or 'You never'
While we can't predict what might come next, sweeping generalizations like these should always be avoided in an argument. These phrases communicate to your partner that they're constantly in the wrong, even though it's likely that you're simply referring to a few isolated incidents. They put your partner in a defensive state, and they turn your argument into a discussion about your entire relationship, rather than just addressing the issue at hand. Try to stay in the moment and point to specific actions that you didn't like, rather than communicating to your S.O. that they're a bad partner across the board.
Everyone has disagreements, but how do you know if you're arguing has become a bit too common? Click HERE for how to know if you and your S.O. are fighting too much.