5 Reasons Looking for a Peter Kavinsky Will Ruin Your Love Life

We love Peter Kavinsky.

The To All the Boys I've Loved Before protagonist immediately captured our hearts with his sweet personality, caring nature and draw-dropping good looks.

But as much we love Peter and can totally imagine living an entirely happy life with him complete with a beautiful house and 3-5 dogs, there's an unfortunate reality we have to come to terms with: Peter doesn't exist.

And because he doesn't exist, looking for or expecting a boyfriend like him will totally ruin your love life. Keep scrolling to see why.

1. High School Boys Aren't This Emotionally Advanced

Unfortunately, we have to start by dropping some serious truth on you—high school boys are not nearly as emotionally intelligent as Peter Kavinsky. Heck, 30-year-old men aren't as emotionally intelligent as Peter Kavinsky. While Peter's incredible emotional depth is one of the most awesome things about him and an undeniably positive attribute, you're not going to find that kind of vulnerability wandering the halls of your high school. Does that mean you should abstain from dating until you find a guy who can naturally sense all your emotional needs like Peter can sense Lara Jean's? No, because the only way to build that kind of emotional intelligence is by having (and failing at) relationships.

Chances are, your emotional intelligence is nowhere near the Peter Kavinsky-level either. That's what high school is for—figuring out what you do and don't want in relationships, determining how to effectively care for another person and overall just dipping your toes into the dating pool. If you happen to stumble upon a lifelong partner, that's great for you, but chances are you'll have a string of short-lived romances that don't go anywhere, but will tell you a lot about what you want in the future. Don't limit yourself from those experiences because you're on the hunt for a boy that doesn't exist.

Peter telling Lara Jean he loves her

(To All the Boys I've Loved Before via Netflix)

2. Bad Communication Is Romantic, But Impractical

Another unfortunate truth bomb—despite his emotional intelligence, Peter's communication skills are severely lacking. Granted, it's a two-sided effort at deception from both him and Lara Jean, but they would have saved each other a lot of trouble by being honest and upfront with their feelings, as you should be in a healthy relationship. We would have watched a significantly less interesting movie, but that's not the point.

Not telling someone how you feel and hoping they just figure it out should never be the goal in a relationship. It leads to unnecessary frustration and many passive-aggressive behaviors that are incredibly unhealthy for both parties involved. In the movie, Peter's inability to tell Lara Jean how he feels and her inability to listen comes off as tortured and romantic, but in reality it would just mean that your relationship would never go anywhere. No one's going to chase you down and beg you to listen—they're just going to move on and find someone who will be open with their feelings.

3. Perfection Shouldn't Be the Goal

Even though Peter's communication could use some work, he was practically perfect in every other way. He was sweet, kind, caring, honest—basically he had every quality you can think of in a flawless human. Unfortunately, that's just not something to look for in the real world.

Perfection shouldn't be the goal when you're looking for a romantic partner. You're never going to find someone who ticks every single box on your checklist of the perfect S.O., and you shouldn't want to. No human is going to be completely flawless 100% of the time because we all have our issues and problems that unfortunately find their way into our relationships. The key is finding someone who recognizes their flaws and knows how to work through them, rather than pretending there's nothing wrong with them and slowly revealing their many issues as your relationship advances.

Peter spins Lara Jean in the cafeteria

(To All the Boys I've Loved Before via Netflix)

4. We Only See Part of the Story

It goes without saying because it is just a movie, but we only see part of the story with Peter and Lara Jean—the good part. We see the part where they fall in love, the scenes where they're so head-over-heels for each other that nothing bad could happen between them. Even when they argue about Peter going to Gen's room, Peter is so desperate to win Lara Jean back that it still comes across as a heartbreakingly pure interaction.

The beginning of a relationship is only part of the story. It doesn't take into account the work and effort that goes into building a healthy romance once you get past that initial honeymoon stage. If you're expecting a romance that's consistently as swoon-worthy as Peter and Lara Jean's in your everyday life, you're always going to end up unhappy. Relationships aren't always sunshine and rainbows. You have to acknowledge that there will be off days and be prepared for that because that's the only way your romance is going to last.

5. Pining After Fictional Characters Distracts You From the Real World

Finally, and most importantly, Peter Kavinsky is a fictional character. He's literally made to be the perfect human being because he exists in a made-up world that doesn't take into account the struggles of everyday life. Peter has many qualities that you should be looking for in a future S.O.—loyalty, honesty, a caring nature—but if you're looking for the embodiment of Peter himself, you're always going to be disappointed.

Unfortunately, we don't live in the world of To All the Boys I've Loved Before. We live in the real world, which is full of perfectly imperfect humans who can still make wonderful romantic partners, even if they're not as flawless as Peter. Believe us, we've spent just as much time imagining a life with Peter Kavinsky as our boyfriend, but it's also important to bring yourself back down to earth and take a look at the potential options that are right in front of you. Who knows—you just might find someone you really like… maybe even more than you like Peter.

Peter offers to write Lara Jean notes

(To All the Boys I've Loved Before via Netflix)


Still reeling after watching this adorable Netflix rom-com? Us, too. Click HERE for 10 questions we have after watching To All the Boys I've Loved Before.