The “past relationships” discussion is an awkward conversation to have in any romance.
But unless you’re blessed with being your S.O.’s one and only, it’s also a topic that needs to addressed—not so you can get jealous of your S.O.’s past, but simply because their prior romantic experience will definitely play a role in how they act as a couple with you.
So what things should you definitely know about your S.O.’s past relationships? Keep scrolling to find out.
Knowing why past relationships ended can provide major insight into the dos and don’ts of your romance, areas where you might have issues and even your overall compatibility with your S.O.
If your S.O. felt like their ex demanded too much of their time, you can keep that in mind next time your partner wants to ditch date night in favor of a party with their pals. If the relationship ended because your S.O. couldn’t be open with their feelings, you can prep for the fact that communication might be a problem down the line.
Discussing past breakups allows you and your S.O. to be honest about your feelings and open about potential flaws in a way that doesn’t threaten your romance. It allows you to gain a better idea of what your relationship might look like in the future, and to understand aspects of your S.O. that might not be as perfect as they seem. By no means does it indicate your relationship will end in the same way, but it does give you a heads-up about potential issues that might arise.
While we’re not completely on board with the “once a cheater, always a cheater” mentality, if your S.O. has been unfaithful or dealt with a cheating partner in a prior romance, you should definitely know about it. Cheating indicates a severe breach of trust that can have lasting impacts on both people involved. If your S.O. cheated, you should be aware that loyalty might not rank as high on their list of priorities as it should. If your partner was cheated on, then you should be prepared to deal with some major insecurities and trust issues that might get in the way of your relationship.
Trust is a major component for a healthy relationship, so if it’s been broken in the past you should be prepared to deal with some backlash from that in your current romance.
Much like knowing why they broke up, knowing which arguments were regularly happening in your S.O.’s past romance can provide intel into possible problems in your relationship. Not only will it reveal important info about their conflict style, it will also help you understand what topics or actions push your S.O.’s buttons. Even better, you don’t have to actually have the fight to find out.
By knowing which fights consistently happened in past romances, you can be on the lookout for those same problems in your relationship and attempt to nip them in the bud before they become a big deal. It’s like being ten steps ahead in your relationship, and it will likely make your romance stronger because you’re both able to learn from past experience.
This is probably the most difficult thing to talk about concerning your S.O.’s past relationships. Knowing that someone you really care about used to care very deeply for someone else is never a fun thought, but diving into how deep those feelings actually went is important for the future of your romance. This is less about your partner’s ex and more about getting to know your partner. Did they date people out of convenience or were they truly in love with their ex? Do they know what love feels like? Are they prepared to risk those feelings again?
Discussing your partner’s feelings about their past romance not only allows you to bond with your partner, it also gives you a chance to get an idea of the kind of impact this relationship had on them. If they were truly in love with someone and devastated by the breakup, you might need to prepare for things to move more slowly in your romance. If they only kind of liked the last person they dated, you might need to acknowledge that relationships may not be that big of a deal to them. Whatever conclusion you come to, talking about your partner’s feelings in their past relationships will give you some serious insight and guidance into how they might cope and deal with your romance as it progresses.
Have you been seeing someone for a while, but you’re not quite sure if things are “official?” Click HERE for eight signs it’s time to define the relationship.