8 Tips to Communicate More Assertively and Get What You Want Out of Life

Effective communication can play a huge role in getting what you want out of life, but where does one even start?

We firmly believe that learning to be assertive can make all the difference in the world. It's neither passive, as it communicates thoughts directly and tackles the situation head-on, nor aggressive, as it's expressed in a thoughtful and considerate way. Assertive communication is straightforward yet polite, allowing people to know precisely where you stand in a way that's respectful to you and others. Not only can being assertive make you a better communicator, but it can have a ripple effect that positively impacts your relationships and even your self-confidence, paving the way to the future you want. Here are our top tips for embracing this powerful communication style.

Respect Yourself

The first step to asserting yourself is actually believing in yourself, but unfortunately, that's often more easily said that done. We recommend looking inward to help you start building that respect for yourself. First off, what are your values, and why do they matter to do? Remind yourself what your wants are needs are valid, and that when they align with the things that are important to you, it's easier to stick by them. On that ground, you'll be less tempted to bend to the whims of others and let their opinions influence you, so you can be true to yourself, instead.

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Ask for What You Want

It may seem ridiculously obvious, but getting what you want starts with asking for what you want. Rather than beating around the bush and hoping the other person gets the message, state your wants and needs as clearly as possible to the people who can help you get them. Instead of being demanding or getting emotional, you simply want to be direct, as this isn't about being confrontational.

If going out on a limb and stating these desires is scary or challenging, try practicing first. Write down what you want to say, in precisely the way you'd like to present yourself. See if you can anticipate what the other party might say, and develop counterarguments to any counterpoints they might have. Rehearse this conversation with someone you trust to build confidence.

 

Also read about: How to Become More Talkative If You're Already Quiet or Shy

 

Keep It Simple

Expressing yourself in the simplest and most direct terms, so so there's no wiggle room for error and misunderstanding, will also help you appear more assertive. Use "I" statements, such as ones beginning with "I think…" or "I feel…" to keep your words grounded in your wants and needs, without placing blame or responsibility on anyone else. Also, try to keep emotions out of it unless they're positive ones that will make the other party feel your enthusiasm and excitement. Staying calm will help you avoid sounding aggressive, and joy can add more positive power to your words, especially paired with the right confident body language.

 

Learn to Say 'No'

Some of us have grown up to be people-pleasers, always prioritizing other people to feel more accepting or important. To be more assertive, you'll have to kick those habits to the curb. Remind yourself that only that you're allowed to tell people "no," but that it can be empowering to do so. There's being helpful, and then there's being totally passive, and allowing people to push things on to you because they know they can get away with it. Some things are simply not your responsibility, and the more you can learn not to take on other people's burdens—especially when you're already overwhelmed—the more powerful and confident you'll feel.

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Express Your Feelings

Being open and honest truly will set you free, and learning to express your true thoughts and feelings is another core tenant of being assertive. This can mean speaking up and asking questions when something is bothering you or doesn't feel quite right, and being authentic about the things you love that bring you joy. When you're upset about something, you can express that without lashing out or feeling manipulative, and when you're happy, you don't have to reign in your elation. Plus, honoring your feelings, always, can also help you feel more comfortable in your own skin, and make it less stressful to share in the future.

 

 

Also read about: 5 Ways to Break Out of the Cycle of Perfectionism

 

Keep an Open Mind

While an aggressive approach is all about forcing only your own perspective, an assertive one makes sure to consider the other party's thoughts and feelings as well. You can't be assertive without empathy, and understanding a situation from all sides is the key to working collaboratively and finding a happy middle ground. When you try to win at all costs, everyone loses. The mutual respect that comes with being assertive means you can all win.

 

But Stand Your Ground

Being assertive means sticking up for yourself and refusing to be a pushover. Remind yourself that you can remain calm and kind as well as powerful when you stand up for the things that matter most, and that this also doesn't mean being rude or intimidating to others, or stepping on their right to stand their ground. Respectfully state your intentions and hold on to your values.

 

Repeat Yourself, If Necessary

In life, we'll all come across people who refuse to return the respect we show them. They might try to wear you down or get you to budge once you've let them know where you stand, but their aggression isn't a reason to let them win. Even if it becomes frustrating, simple repeat yourself and re-assert everything you laid down the first time. Just because they don't like it doesn't mean you have to abandon what's right.

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Being assertive and being brave often go hand in hand. Click HERE for some of our top tips on being more brave every day.