6 Important Steps to Becoming More Approachable

For some people, it feels like being approachable comes naturally. They always seem friendly and open, which invites others to want to come up to them and chat.

If you (like us) weren't born with this magnetic quality, you might start to believe that your approachability is out of your hands, when really, it's a skill that you can learn and train. This important aspect of socializing with others makes it simpler to not just meet friends, but make other types of connections. Just because you're shy doesn't mean you can't be approachable, and it all starts with the right perspective and a desire to mix and mingle with others. We have a few suggestions on where to start.

Open Up With Your Body Language and Placement

When you step into a room, the best way to make a good first impression is with your body language. Being approachable starts with portraying openness. Embody the idea with good posture, including your head up, shoulders back and arms at your sides. It may seem simple, but it's an instant cue that makes others see you as friendly, present and ready to chat. In contrast, tucking your head down, slouching and crossing your arms basically says, "Do not engage with me, I'm not interested." Take time to scan your surroundings and look at others, making brief eye contact or even a nodding, instead of keeping your focus in one place straight ahead of you. Make it clear that you're looking for others to talk to, without appearing overeager.

Next, put your phone away! A cell phone in your hand is another signal that you don't want to be bothered. While it might feel like your ticket out of feeling awkward, it won't make anyone want to engage with you. Instead, be sure to put your phone in your pocket or bag, and keep it there. If you need need to check it, have it on vibrate and only glance at it when necessary. This lets others know you're present and want to be here, rather than seeking a distraction or reason to leave.

Finally, where you stand in a social situation can make a difference as well. Being a wallflower keeps you away from the crowd where the socialization is happening, and makes it look like you don't want to be spoken to. Instead, place yourself somewhere that makes it easy for others to approach you—maybe near the entrance or somewhere people are stopping for refreshments.

 

Wear a Soft and Friendly Smile

A soft and friendly smile is one of the clearest invitations to come over and say hi, but that can be more easily said than done for some. We recommend practicing in front of a mirror to find your most natural-looking and kind smile. Fake or forced smiles can be a turnoff, so try to be genuine. Think happy thoughts—about what you're grateful for, or about a recent happy memory—and put yourself in a good mood, allowing that warmth to be contagious. Don't forget to smile with your eyes, too!

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Also read about: 6 Ways to Be Less of a People-Pleaser

 

Stand Out

If you're normally the type of person who shies away from attention, make an effort in certain situations to instead stand out from the crowd while being authentic to yourself. Try wearing something that might catch attention, whether it's because it's unusual and quirky, or because it because it might suggest commonalities between you and other people, such as school or sports logos or pop culture references. Even if you're struggling to open up, the right accessory might catch the attention of an extrovert who'll be more than happy to get the conversation flowing.

 

Exude Confidence While Being Yourself

As an introvert, it can be easy to feel like a fish out of water, but remember that you're not the only one who might have some trepidation about stepping into new territory. You belong there, just as much as anyone else in attendance. Take confidence in the fact that you're there at all, and embrace the power of simply being yourself. Once you do strike up a conversation, celebrate that little victory, and then be present and engaged with your new acquaintances. Make them know you're happy to be chatting with them and that you want to be there, and they'll reflect that sentiment right back at you.

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Also read about: 6 Ways to Become More Decisive

 

Be Optimistic About Potential Friendships

In an unfamiliar social situation, it might be helpful to think of people not as strangers, but as potential friends. Anyone in the room might be someone friendly and cool to talk to, and you can hype yourself up by focusing on that possibility. While trying not to be overeager, also remember that it's okay to get a little exciting about meeting awesome new people. Go into each new conversation assuming  a person is friendly, and you might find it simpler to step into a comfortable chat with them. Be open-minded and try to direct your discussion to discover what you have in common and what is interesting about them. People love talking about their passions, so find theirs out and let them share for a while to help them feel at ease.

 

Be the Approacher, Not the Approachee

Sometimes, you can put out all of the right signals and still not get approached. After all, others in attendance might be just as you—or even more so. If all else fails, you don't have to wait for someone to approach you, and you can make the first move, instead. Try going up to someone who looks like they're also trying to find their social footing but are having a tough time of it. Be confident and strike up a conversation with them. Not only is it good practice, but having positive experiences doing this will make it easier to do every time. Before long, you might not think twice about going up to people with the intention of making new friends.

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Want to learn how to be more assertive as well? Click HERE to discover our top tips.