Things You Need to Stop Saying to Your Significant Other
A great relationship is one where you can totally be yourself and say whatever it is you need to without fear of judgment.
While you shouldn't censor yourself around your significant other, that doesn't mean that there aren't certain things you can say that will do your relationship far more harm than good.
(Outer Banks via Netflix)
We're all human, and we all say things we don't mean from time to time—or, at least, don't mean to be hurtful. Still, if you want your romance to continue growing strong, here are a few things to reconsider the next time you want to say them to your sweetie.
"My Last Significant Other Did…"
It's obvious why your current partner wouldn't want to be compared negatively to your ex—no one wants to feel like they're not measuring up, even if it's something as simple as practical as, "My last S.O. always picked me up from soccer practice."
But what you may be surprised to find is that even positive comments ("Aw, thanks for getting me flowers, because my ex would never buy me gifts!") suck, too. It makes it seem like you're keeping score, or worse, thinking about all the things you and your ex used to do when you're supposed to be building up this relationship. Even if your ex was a nightmare and your new person a total dream, they don't really need to know the details. Compliment them on the reasons they are specifically awesome instead.
"I Don't Care What We Do."
Everyone has those days where they're feeling too lazy to pick a movie on Netflix, or even between pizza or Chinese food for dinner. That's totally okay, decisions can be exhausting. However, if you find yourself never making a decision because you're worried about coming across as demanding, stop that.
(Euphoria via HBO)
In a healthy relationship, your partner will want you to speak up on what you want instead of constantly going with the flow. You may not always get your way, but by sharing what you really want, you two can start to find a rhythm of balance and compromise. Maybe one day it's your favorite horror movie, and the next it's their fave moody HBO drama—but you deserve to have your voice heard. Don't silence it just because you're worried about seeming "chill."
"You Know I'm Joking, Right?"
Your mileage may vary with how much teasing you like in a relationship. Maybe you and your S.O. are always cracking jokes at one another, or maybe you prefer pet names and compliments. Either way, if you find yourself questioning whether your partner is taking your jokes as light teasing, it might be time to reevaluate the jokes that you're making at their expense.
"That [Insert Whatever Thing Your S.O. Loves] Is So Lame"
Maybe your partner's musical theater passion isn't your thing. Maybe you'd rather watch water boil than a football game, when they have NFL season tickets. That's totally fine, and you shouldn't pretend that you have a serious interest in something just because the person you're dating loves it.
(Riverdale via The CW)
However, if you constantly put down your S.O.'s interests—especially ones that make up a big part of their identity—it's going to make it seem like you just don't like the things that make them, them. If you can't muster up the strength to sit through Hamilton on Disney+, you can still show you appreciate their passion by gifting them a cool Lin-Manuel Miranda pillow for the holidays.
"You Are So Selfish/Inconsiderate/Insert Whatever Insult Here."
Fighting well is a skill that takes time and effort to learn, and is especially tricky to execute in the heat of the moment. If you find yourself going to direct insults every time you and your S.O. have a spat, you could be hurting them more than you realize, even if you apologize for the words you used after. Next time you are tempted to say "You're so selfish!" when your S.O. picks hanging out with their friends over a pre-planned date night (a valid thing to be upset about, by the way) try instead to articulate how their actions made you feel.
(Gossip Girl via The CW)
Also, if you find yourself throwing out these insults all the time—or just plain fighting constantly—it may be time to reevaluate whether you actually want this person as your partner in the first place. Passionate fighting is cute in The Notebook, but not so much in real life.
Want more relationship tips? Click HERE to read about relationship red flags you should never ignore.