Why You May Be Sabotaging Your Relationships
Whether we want to admit it or not, most of us often look for red flags and icks with a fine-tooth comb when we're interested in someone.
This might not make much sense at first glance, but the reason self-sabotagers often seek ways out of a relationship is actually to protect themselves—whether that instinct is right or not. If that sounds like you, here are some of the most common reasons why you may be psyching yourself out of relationships.
Fear of Rejection
If we feel there is a possibility of rejection, we might do things to maintain distance or hold ourselves back from getting deeper into the relationship. We want to control the narrative. If we feel like we might be rejected, we would rather nix the relationship before the other person gets a chance to. In these cases, it's important to remember that, whether we like it or not, we are going to face rejection all the time in life. A fear of rejection shouldn't ever hold you back from what you want.
Ah, the notorious picky dater. Some people are always holding out for that special someone who's 6'3″, close with their family, has a cute dog, is sporty (but not in a jocky way), loves all the same music and movies and—on top of it all—is equally as romantic and attractive. That is what some of us experts would call "unrealistic dating standards." First off, if you're dating in order to find somebody who ticks every box on your unreasonably long and specific checklist, you're narrowing your choices to a ridiculous degree while potentially ignoring people who might be an amazing match for you. Secondly, while a great partner will be a lot of things to you, they shouldn't be everything.
If you notice a pattern of self-sabotage, it may be time to start looking inward. People with negative self-view can frequently find themselves unintentionally dismantling their relationships. These people often feel that they don't deserve love or a healthy relationship. Break the negative self-talk and start building yourself up. You deserve love just as much as anyone else does!
Also read about: Signs Your S.O. Is Undermining Your Confidence
Fear of Commitment
Do you ever struggle with decision-making? If choosing what to eat for breakfast alone requires half an hour of internal debate, chances are that this lack of decisiveness will go on to impact your dating life and leave you second-guessing everything. It's possible to go down the rabbit hole with questions about whether you'll let each other down, or if either of you might be happier with someone else down the line. Take a deep look at the situation to figure out if those worries are actually grounded in reality, and you may find that taking a chance is more beneficial than cutting things short because of "what if" scenarios.
Also read about: How to Avoid Sabotaging Your New Relationship
Lack of Trust
If you have been cheated on or blindsided in the past, it can feel almost impossible to fully trust and be vulnerable with someone again. If you believe, in your gut, that this new person is right for you, sometimes, you just have to take that leap of faith and hope for the best. As Alfred Tennyson once wrote, "It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all," and that's a truth we stand by.
Online dating can be challenging. Click HERE for how to get over being ghosted in four simple steps