The Best Memorable Quotes From All 5 Seasons of Only Murders in the Building to Use as Captions

It's official—Season 5 of Only Murders in the Building has officially wrapped up on Hulu, and we're already crossing our fingers for a renewal.

The beloved series follows three neighbors, played by pop superstar Selena Gomez and comedic legends Steve Martin and Martin Short, who bond over their shared love of true crime podcasts, only to get wrapped up themselves in a series of real-life murder mysteries. It's been incredible watching the show evolve and adapt since its first season, with the murder investigation podcasting ramping up each time. Celebrate with us with these memorable list of quotes from the series.

For having a different perspective on safety and crime:

"Here's a thing I don't get. People who worry about living in a big city because of all the crime."

-Charles-Haden Savage

(Only Murders in the Buildings via Hulu)

 

For thinking about someone you can't stand:

"Sometimes, when I can't sleep, I imagine brutally murdering that dude. And I'm out like a light. Works every time."

-Mabel Mora

 

For finding yourself enchanted by someone new:

"To that point who are you, you fascinating creature?"

-Oliver Putnam

 

For focusing on what's important:

"That's really all we want, isn't it? More time with the people we love."

-Oliver Putnam

 

For falling into another great true crime rabbit hole:

"A great true crime mystery unpeels itself like an onion." "First the crime, then the characters, and then their secrets." "The secrets are the fun part."

-Charles, Oliver and Mabel

(Only Murders in the Buildings via Hulu)

 

For when you've become extra invested:

"Every person is a mystery, but to care about a murder mystery, you need to care about the person who was murdered."

-Charles-Haden Savage

 

For only discovering people's talents once it's too late:

"I've fallen in love with so many dead people."

-Charles-Haden Savage

 

For knowing chips and dip is a fine meal:

"Dips for dinner, dips for dinner, I'm a nut for dips."

-Oliver Putnam

 

For wanting the whole story (if it's interesting enough):

"I am so lost here. Can someone please fill me in? Unless it's boring, and then don't."

-Oliver Putnam

 

For much preferring a text message over a call:

"I'll call her. Or should I text?" "Calls bother them for some reason."

-Charles and Oliver

 

For knowing you have to start somewhere:

"Well how do you sculpt an elephant? You start with a block of marble, and you chip away everything that isn't elephant."

-Charles-Haden Savage

 

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For needing your cat's memory to remain with you always:

"A cat never really leaves you because they transmit parasites."

-Charles-Haden Savage

 

For being bad with blood and gore:

"I have vasovagal syncope. I faint at the sight of blood."

-Howard Morris

 

For pushing for your greatest dreams:

"No one who promises big things knows what's gonna happen. But, it's the ride that counts."

-Oliver Putnam

 

For when disorder is part of the process:

"Embrace the mess. That's where the good stuff lives."

-Cinda Canning

 

For when someone special makes you feel safe:

"I think your body language makes me feel very comfortable."

-Jan Bellows

 

For being anxious about a second opportunity:

"Sometimes, a second chance is just another chance to get it wrong. And blowing it twice can cause you to make some weird choices."

-Cinda Canning

 

For making food safety your No. 1 priority:

"Even a killer does not deserve botulism."

-Oliver Putnam

 

For weighing your options:

"What's more dangerous? Taking advantage of a second chance, or letting it pass you by?"

-Cinda Canning

 

For wanting to give someone the benefit of the doubt:

"Just because things aren't what they seem, doesn't mean she's a bad person."

-Vaughn

 

For feeling trapped:

"Just because you aren't locked up, doesn't mean you aren't still in some kind of prison."

-Oscar Torres

(Only Murders in the Buildings via Hulu)

 

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For pondering the nature of life:

"My point is we're born alone, spend most of our time alone, then we all go out alone."

-Donna Williams

 

For discovering the humanity behind the sensational stories:

"Every true crime story is actually true for someone."

-Charles-Haden Savage

 

For always being drawn to bad boys:

"I wasn't aware that boys were supposed to be good for you."

-Zoe Cassidy

 

For realizing you need to make your own choices:

"Maybe you're bored because all you have is touring through other people's lives. Maybe you need to ask what you want for your life."

-Theo Dimas

(Only Murders in the Buildings via Hulu)

 

For being serious about your fandom:

"Being a fan is like being married. You don't quit, no matter how bad it gets."

-Grant

 

For when you're convinced the truth is more than a matter of pride:

"Everybody always blames hubris."

-Marv

 

For wishing someone had a lot more self-confidence:

"One thing I could never get about you is how someone as wonderful as you could think so little of himself."

-Sazz Pataki

 

For being highly picky about who you date:

"I've broken up with people for whispering loudly in movies or chewing weird."

-Charles-Haden Savage

(Only Murders in the Buildings via Hulu)

 

For not being sure you want your best friend to call you "bestie":

"'Bestie'? What are we, 14?"

-Charles-Haden Savage

 

For when the punctuation tells you the message is serious:

"Three exclamation points…"

-Charles-Haden Savage

 

For when fame comes to you unintentionally:

"But there are two ways you can become known here. You can become famous for doing good things or you can become infamous for doing truly terrible acts."

-Charles-Haden Savage

 

For refusing to be uninteresting:

"I'd rather be dead than boring."

-Oliver Putnam

 

For when a single true crime podcast makes you obsessed:

"I was never that into murder before. Podcasts. Murder podcasts."

-Amy Schumer

 

For feeling drawn to someone's energy:

"Sorry. There's just something uh, very compelling about you."

-Alice Banks

 

For struggling with creativity:

"I've been hideously blocked for a year, stuck in the past, no moving forward. Do you ever feel that way?"

-Alice Banks

 

For needing to work your nerves out in your own way:

"I can tell you're not the type of person to get through something by meditating."

-Alice Banks

 

For when the people around you change but the issues you're dealing with remain the same:

"Same circus, different clowns."

-Bunny Folger

 

For struggling with non-specificity:

"I just remember you saying 'thing' a lot. Like, 'Put the thing on the thing!' And then, 'The thing and the thing!'"

-Mabel Mora

(Only Murders in the Buildings via Hulu)

 

For coming back home:

"Returning someplace after a long time can be weird. And I guess how you ended up coming back and why has a lot to do with how weird it gets."

-Lucy

 

For refusing to listen to podcasts at full speed:

"I've heard your podcast, but I usually, like, listen to it on two times speed, and your voices are so much deeper than I thought."

-Lucy

 

For when your enemy shows surprising humanity:

"It was like watching Darth Vader take off his helmet."

-Oliver Putnam

 

For sucking at keeping secrets:

"Everyone who has a secret has a tell."

-Oliver Putnam

 

For loving to talk conspiracies with your favorite people:

"How can you pretend you don't love this? The way we connect when we theorize and speculate."

-Jan Bellows

 

For committing to your masterpiece:

"An artist never finishes their piece in the middle. They stick with it 'til the end."

-Jan Bellows

 

For jumping at any opportunity to have company:

"I kinda hate the idea of being alone in my place these days."

-Mabel Mora

 

For realizing your understanding of a situation was flawed:

"Memory can contain both objective reality and subjective perception."

-Oliver Putnam

 

For when someone remains lock-lipped:

"It's so impossible to pry any information out of this adorable little vault."

-Oliver Putnam

 

For needing to work on your social skills:

"I'm nervous to talk to people because I can come off creepy."

-Charles-Haden Savage

 

For recognizing someone's tell:

"You play with your hair when you're lying, like you're doing right now."

-Oliver Putnam

 

For going out of your way to be polite:

"Manners are super important to me."

-Jimmy Russo

 

For having some big aspirations (and seeking the right teacher to get you there):

"Ever since I was a little girl, I wanted to be great at something. But it takes time. It takes practice and experience and paying your dues. But most of all, it takes a great mentor."

-Poppy White

 

For realizing you're not telling yourself the entire truth:

"What are the little fictions that ferry us through life?"

-Poppy White

 

For finding your muse:

"I've been feeling very inspired lately. You inspire me."

-Alice Banks

 

For cooking your eggs precisely how you like them:

"The perfect egg should never run. It should walk."

-Mabel Mora

 

For not getting out of the house much:

"My tropical fish are probably really happy to have some alone time."

-Joy Payne

 

For when folks love to gossip:

"You'd rather tell a story that's tantalizing than the story that's the truth."

-Mabel Mora

 

For having an unusual relationship timeline:

"I usually spend one year getting into a relationship, one year enjoying it, and four years trying to get out."

-Charles-Haden Savage

 

For complaining about a power outage:

"I hate blackouts. There's a thin line between civilization and chaos, and that line is electricity."

-Charles-Haden Savage

 

For imagining the worst that could happen:

"I could weep. I could vomit. I could burst into flames."

-Howard Morris

 

For when someone likes you because you never shut up:

"She hates awkward silences. Says with me, she never has any."

-Lester

 

For staying focused on the paycheck:

"You get in, you get out, you get paid. You go through the motions."

-Daniel Kreps

 

For connecting the dots:

"I think I know who did this."

-Charles-Haden Savage

(Only Murders in the Buildings via Hulu)

 

For when your brain has been extra busy and buzzy:

"I hope that you charge rent to the people inside your head. You'd make a fortune."

-Rose Cooper

 

For feeling like a bit of a mystery:

"Everyone has secrets. Things we've done that we don't talk about. Things we can't explain."

-Daniel Kreps

 

For supporting your theater friends, even though that's totally not your thing:

"Okay, secret? I think theater is kinda lame. People all dressed up in costumes no real person would ever wear, acting like nobody's sitting out there watching them say things no real person would ever say."

-Mabel Mora

(Only Murders in the Buildings via Hulu)

 

For when someone's bad luck is starting to seem ridiculous:

"I'm not saying you're cursed, but it wouldn't surprise me if you pissed off a witch or two in a previous life."

-Donna DeMeo

 

For when your ego gets you in trouble:

"Narcissism should really be more fun than this."

-Oliver Putnam

 

For showing off the team who've made your greatest ambitions into reality:

"The most important part of chasing a dream is the people who chase alongside with you."

-Oliver Putnam

 

For when knowing how life works has been a work in progress:

"I'm almost 30, and I have nothing figured out."

-Mabel Mora

 

For feeling creatively inspired:

"Where does a great idea come from? In my experience, it all starts with a single spark."

-Kimber Min

 

For realizing your demonstration may be slightly underwhelming:

"Now, truth be told, we did not have time to flesh out a presentation beyond this one piece of foam board."

-Oliver Putnam

 

For when you're broke:

"All I see is a bunch of zeros in my bank account."

-Donna DeMeo

 

For doing a task that's no big deal:

"I can do that. That's no biggie. That's a smallie."

-Charles-Haden Savage

 

For bonding over food:

"Nothing brings people together like a common enemy. That, or a good cheese plate."

-Oliver Putnam

 

For starting your redemption arc:

"Well, if getting canceled means spending a year learning to live in alignment with your dharma, then yes. Call me canceled."

-Cinda Canning

 

For becoming slightly addicted to your self-care routine:

"But love a ritual too much, and it can become an obsession."

-Cinda Canning

 

For when a show you love takes a boring turn:

"Hard to oversell just how disinterested I am in this story."

-Oliver Putnam

 

For embracing someone for all they are:

"Maybe you don't need to change. Maybe you are who you are, and that's enough."

-Oliver Putnam

 

For realizing just how compatible you are with someone:

"You are a grade-A weirdo, but I'm good for you, and you're good for me."

-Joy Payne

 

For believing romance is worth the risk:

"Better lose your mind loving than to live your life loveless."

-Joy Payne

 

For when the show's venue has a haunting history:

"Theaters are known for their ghosts."

-Howard Morris

 

For wondering what comes next:

"What's more dangerous than someone whose dreams have died?"

-Howard Morris

 

For reflecting on what 10-year-old you wanted in life:

"When I was 10, my future looked so clear to me."

-Mabel Mora

 

For indulging in your favorite bad-for-you food:

"They tried to keep us apart, make me stick to my heart-healthy diet, but you found your way back to me."

-Oliver Putnam

 

For reflecting on the most significant films in your life:

"Motion pictures were created over 100 years ago and ever since then, we've had countless moving images emblazoned in our memories."

-Charles-Haden Savage

(Only Murders in the Buildings via Hulu)

 

For barely recognizing an old video of yourself:

"If you have old home movies of yourself, it can be hard to relate to the person you're watching. 'Is that really me or just who I used to be? And is that how I want to be remembered?'"

-Charles-Haden Savage

 

For believing something's going to be a hit:

"I don't need an algorithm to tell me that this is box office gold."

-Bev Melon

 

When you haven't seen your favorite person in a couple of days:

"What a long cold winter it's been without you."

-Oliver Putnam

 

For the throwback pic being a daredevil with your parents:

"You know, while most parents are trying to keep their kids away from danger mine taught me how to play in it."

-Sazz Pataki

 

For when it seems impossible to find affordable housing:

"Yeah, boomer, not everyone was alive when an apartment cost a bag of beans. I'd kill to rent anything."

-Mabel Mora

 

For discovering your approach to acting:

"Finding your character is a lot like a detective finding a killer."

-Zach Galifianakis

 

For trying to curate a cute Instagram page:

"Her feed is a cornucopia of charming, sunny Hollywood content."

-Oliver Putnam

 

For showing some appreciation for the person who always supports you:

"It can be hard to survive in this city when you march to the beat of your own drum. You need somebody to have your back."

-Inez

 

For battling imposter syndrome:

"You're convinced the voice in your head, the one that says you are a fraud, is finally gonna go away. Except, it doesn't And you start to wonder if it ever will."

-Marshall P. Pope

 

For needing people to think of you as an intellectual problem-solver:

"Don't take away my thumping brain!"

-Charles-Haden Savage

 

For building up your skills and confidence:

"The only thing that gets you over imposter syndrome is actually doing the thing you wanna be better at."

-Marshall P. Pope

 

For when the creative process gets messy:

"Keep it rolling. Even when it's chaotic. Because chaos can be good. Chaos can be art."

-Milton Dudenoff

 

For not having the nerve to break things off in person:

"Gotta craft the perfect poetic breakup text."

-Oliver Putnam

 

For when someone's trying to make you doubt what happened:

"TikTok calls it gaslighting. And you're full of gas, and it's an epidemic!"

-Doreen

 

For finding the character:

"Actors are investigators, you know. Of the human condition."

-Loretta Durkin

 

For cherishing the moments you're not apart:

"We have a long-distance relationship, so every second together is precious."

-Oliver Putnam

 

For loving them, even though they're nuts:

"Despite your obvious pathologies, I'm here still. And I'm not going anywhere. And I sign on to your crazy for a lifetime."

-Loretta Durkin

 

For showing your affection:

"You adorable baloney loaf."

-Zach Galifianakis

 

For implying someone doesn't know the joys of best friendship:

"But that's what besties do, they rib each other. You wouldn't get it."

-Oliver Putnam

(Only Murders in the Building via Hulu)

 

For when you're impressed:

"Wow, that guy has rizz."

-Oliver Putnam

 

For making an effort to really make time for people:

"Everything these days gettin' so disconnected. That's what we look after, you know? The one-on-one thing."

-Doorman

 

For when you're not even sure what your "favorite" podcasts are about:

"I only listen to podcasts to fall asleep."

-Althea

 

For reflecting on greed:

"The problem for most rich people is that there's no amount of money that can make 'em stop wanting more."

-Jay Pflug

 

For when you have an energy that bothers people:

"My greatest challenge is my unsettling effect on humans."

-L.E.S.T.R.

 

For actually making something out of a recipe book:

"Isn't it interesting? None of us will leave behind written recipes. Future generations will just have bookmarks on chef robots."

-Bash Steed

 

For never being too old to learn new tricks:

"Point is, you're only old if you don't change with the times."

-Bash Steed

 

For making sure your life gets properly documented and stored as you go:

"In the right hands, technology should keep the past alive, preserved."

-Bash Steed

 

For not being afraid to play dirty:

"The easiest way to win a game is to make your opponent think they're playing a different game entirely."

-Camila White

 

For working on your strength:

"Yesterday, I opened a pickle jar like it was no thang."

-Charles-Haden Savage

 

For finding out you're being ranked in some way:

"We all have a numerical value. Isn't that dystopian and fabulous?"

-Howard Morris

 

For pondering whether your house is a home:

"What makes a home? Is it just four walls sheltering the accumulation of a whole life? Or is it the safe house for all your memories?"

-Loretta Durkin

 

For recognizing how much of a survivor someone is:

"You took this awful life you were given and you turned it into something beautiful. I refuse to let you think there's any place on Earth you can't be happy, starting right here."

-Loretta Durkin

 

For when you're ready to put it all on the line:

"You hear it all the time. 'The bigger the risk, the bigger the reward.' But when it comes down to it, most people aren't willing to take the leap."

-Bash Steed

 

For admitting you weren't listening:

"He said, 'You only hear things you want.' And then he told me a bunch of stuff I didn't even wanna hear."

-Charles-Haden Savage

 

For when being envious of someone helps you get your act together:

"Now, don't get me wrong. Jealousy is an underrated emotion. Sometimes, it is the very thing that we need to aim for something."

-Donna Williams

 

For firmly believing robots and AI will be the downfall of humanity:

"There are some things that humans will always be better at than machines. One of those things is evil."

-L.E.S.T.R.

 

For when taking a risk in love pays off:

"There's no greater mystery than love, and no greater risk. When it pays out, it makes you rich beyond compare."

-Mabel Mora

 

For when your newfound language skills pay off:

"Oh, thank God. I really didn't wanna disappoint that Duolingo owl."

-Teddy Dimas

 

For more captions from our favorite shows, click HERE to check out the best quotes from both seasons of My Life With the Walter Boys.