How to Know If Your Crush Isn't Interested or Is Just Oblivious

Some people can be pretty hard to read, and when that person is your crush, the situation can get frustrating at times.

When you know you were being fun and flirty and you get absolutely no reaction, it can be difficult to know whether they're not interested in you, or are just completely oblivious to your advances. That's why we called in an expert. We asked psychologist and relationship expert Dr. Funke Baffour-Awuah, better known as Dr. Funke, about her biggest tips for discerning the difference, and what to do about it.

Sweety High: What can someone do when they feel like they're dropping lots of hints that they like someone, but their crushing isn't picking up on them?

Funke Baffour-Awuah: It starts with figuring out their love languages.  Some people are all about words of affirmation, when you use your words to build up the person and make them feel appreciated. Others value gifts, such as little presents that show you're thinking of them. Some prefer acts of service, or doing things for them that you know they'd appreciate. Yet others are about quality time, when you spend time together, with them as your only focus. The last love language is physical touch, such as holding hands and hugging.

By understanding their love languages, you may discover the best way to catch their attention. Maybe the methods you've used to drop numerous hints so far aren't entirely recognized by them as flirting simply because they're viewing it as more of a friendly gesture. By using the love languages to your advantage, you can find the best way to connect with that person in a deep and meaningful way.

Unsplash: Man and woman sharing a can of soda on a date

(via Unsplash)


SH: What are the best ways to know whether someone doesn't like you back?

FBA: If they don't like you back, they may deflect your advances, rather than just not acknowledging them fully. This might include negative body language toward you, such as creating barriers, crossing their arms, or facing their palms downward.


SH: If someone simply isn't picking up the signals, what are the best ways to get their attention, short of telling them you like them?

FBA: Again, refer to the love languages and make sure you're getting to them in the most effective way possible. You can also try smiling at them while making eye contact, as this shows a clear signal of approval that allows them to approach you easily. Also, act comfortable in your space. By being very comfortable around them and joking in a playful manner, you can make your feelings more clear.

Unsplash: Man and woman flirting together

(via Unsplash)

SH: How can we work up the courage to be more direct with the people we like?

Before you take a direct approach, make sure you're sure about your own feelings, and what you actually want from this person. It may be difficult, but don't fear rejection. We may not get everything we aspire to in life, but that does not mean that we should not aspire to get it. When you stop being scared of rejection, there will be nothing stopping you from approaching them.

From there, it's important that you understand body language. This will make you feel more confident in knowing how to approach them. If they exhibit positive signs, such as decreasing the space between you, maintaining extended eye contact and sitting comfortably with their arms down, those are basic signs that they're being open to interacting with you. If they do the opposite by creating more space between you, crossing their arms, frowning or not giving you attention, it may not be a good situation to approach. The key is always to be mindful. Always keep in mind that you might be attracted to a person who has no interest in you, so don't push boundaries and be respectful in your approach.

Unsplash: Black and white photo of woman flirting with man

(via Unsplash)


To follow Dr. Funke's advice, click HERE to find out how to speak your crush's love language more effectively.