Questions Everyone Has When They Get Into a Relationship
Landing a new relationship can be a strange mix of excitement and terror.
One day you and your crush were casually flirting over Instagram and now you're, like, actually dating. How did this even happen?!
As fun as relationships can be, they also come with their own worries and problems. You and your S.O. are still navigating this new world of dating, and you both want to make sure you're doing everything in your power to make a strong and healthy relationship, which can result in a lot of questions.
Thankfully, you're not alone with fears. Keep scrolling to see eight questions that everyone has when they get into a new relationship:
What if my S.O. gets tired of me?
More often that not, being in a relationship involves spending lots of time together, which can naturally result in worries that your S.O. will get bored or irritated while hanging out with you. However, your S.O. chose to date you specifically because they genuinely enjoy your company. They find your quirks and peculiar habits endearing, and probably want to soak up as much time with you as possible. While there is a definitely a fine balance to the time you should spend together, your S.O. not wanting to spend time with you is often an unfounded worry. And if your S.O. does happen to get bored with you, it just means that this wasn't the right relationship for you, in which case you can inform them of how awesome you are and say "buh bye."
Are things moving too fast/too slow?
The pace of your relationship is probably one of the most difficult things to manage. You don't want to overwhelm your S.O. by moving too quickly, but you also want your relationship to grow and thrive at a steady pace. Unfortunately, this question will never have a solid answer. Usually fears about moving too quickly or too slowly are based on other relationships you've witnessed, and no two relationships are the same. Some couples are declaring their undying love for each other after a week, while others have been dating for three years and barely hold hand in public. The pace of your relationship is entirely up to the two of your comfort levels. As long as you keep an open line of communication and truthfully tell each other what you want from the relationship, then you shouldn't worry about how fast or slow things are moving.
What if I'm not a good girlfriend?
Everyone wants to be a supportive and positive force in their significant other's life. Particularly in your first relationship, worries about being a good girlfriend are quite common. Finding the balance between supporting and caring for your S.O. and effectively communicating anything that might bother you is enough to drive anyone a little crazy with worry. However, both you and your S.O. are figuring things out as you go. You shouldn't expect to be the perfect girlfriend right off the bat, even if you've been a good girlfriend in the past. Every relationship is different, and finding the groove between you and your S.O. is bound to take a little bit of time. The most you can do is strive to be a better girlfriend each day and trust that your S.O. will tell you if something is bothering them about your relationship.
How much time is too much time together?
Discovering how much time you and your S.O. should spend together is a constant struggle in any relationship. Even if you've been together for years, there are still bound to be moments when you ask yourself if you spend just a little too much time together. When you love someone, it's natural to want to spend as much time with them as possible, so being aware of how much time you are investing in each other is important. There's no hard science to determine whether you spend too much time together, so the best thing you can do is look at your romantic relationship in relation to the other relationships in your life. If you and your S.O. have spent every day of the past three weeks together, but you haven't seen your girlfriends once, it might be good to take a little time apart and hang out with your friends. It doesn't mean that you love your S.O. less, but learning how to maintain other relationships and balance your time is an important part of a healthy relationship.
What if we learn we're not as compatible as we thought the more time we spend together?
Sadly, this does happen in relationships. You can be head over heels in like with your S.O., only to realize that you don't connect as well as you thought once you're actually dating. Although it might sound upsetting, that's exactly what breakups are for. The only way you're going to discover how compatible you are with a partner is by dating. If you realize that this relationship isn't everything you wanted, it's always okay to end things. It might not be your ideal outcome, but you have to follow where your feelings are leading you, both getting into a relationship and getting out of one.
Do I have to spend all my time talking to them now?
Because of technology and the ease of communicating with people now, there is a general idea that a healthy relationship involves talking all day, every day, no matter what you might be doing. While constantly texting or staying in contact through social media is totally fine, it's not something you have to do. If you're not big on texting or you simply like your space, you are completely free to create some distance between you and your S.O. This doesn't mean that your relationship is any less healthy or strong, it simply means that you prefer a little more independence. As long as you communicate your preferences to your S.O., there is no problem with talking a few times a day, or just waiting until you can see them in person.
Which disagreements are deal breakers?
Healthy relationships require arguments and disagreements, it's just a fact. You and your S.O. are not going to agree on everything, and you need to know how to fight without ruining your relationship. However, in a new relationship, it can be difficult to determine which fights are just normal arguments and which fights indicate a wider problem between the two of you that can't be fixed. This question can really only be answered on a case-by-case basis, but one good rule of thumb is to consider the origin of the fight. If you're fighting about something petty, something that can be fixed or adjusted (like your communication skills), or a single occurrence that upset you or your S.O. (like a "joke" that felt a little too real), it's probably not a relationship-killer. However, if your fight has to do with values that you hold dear—like your relationship with your family, your views on honesty, or your future ambitions—it might be sign that you won't be compatible in the future. You shouldn't have to change someone's core values to be with them, and spotting potential problems early will save you a lot of pain later.
What if things don't work out?
This is probably the ultimate question anyone has, new relationship or not. Relationships require vulnerability and exposing some very real parts of yourself to another person. As you become attached to someone else, the thought of things not working out can be terrifying. However, there is also the chance that things will work out perfectly and you will find your happily ever after. The only way you can get the ultimate reward is by risking some pain along the way. Breakups and separations hurt, but they are not the end of the world. If things don't work out, you can deal with that problem when it arises. Worrying about it now will only cause you anxiety and cloud the positive moments of your relationship.
Relationships are tough, but what if you feel like you're never going to find someone? Click HERE for seven things you should always remember if you think you'll be single forever.